How to live when you could be dead

by Deborah James

I’m not usually one for reading self help books but I made an exception for this one having come across Dame Deborah James when I was diagnosed with bowel cancer. With some trepidation, I researched Deborah to find out more about her illness and how she was dealing with it, a little afraid of what I might find as I knew she was Stage 4 and was unlikely to be cured.

This book was on my Christmas list and yet nobody bought it for me. This is highly unusual, as I normally get lots of books as gifts and always ones, I have specifically asked for but when I asked, it seems that the title was proving rather off putting. My family didn’t want to think about people dying of cancer having watched me go through treatment and come out the other side. They also said it sounded depressing.

Written in the two years before her death, finishing the book became a challenge for Dame Deborah as she knew her time was running out and that she was unlikely to be around for publication day. This is sad but the actual book itself is most certainly not! Prior to her diagnosis, Deborah was a highly successful Deputy Head who led national research into growth mindset in schools – a different way of thinking designed to help children become more resilient, more confident and more persistent. This theme runs throughout the book, helping you to change negative thoughts into more positive ones, how to deal with failure, changing goals and being grateful. It really does make you think about your life and how you approach the various problems everyone has to deal with as well as the more serious ones that come from nowhere and pull the rug from under your feet!

A journalist and podcaster after losing her teaching career due to cancer, Deborah tells her own story of how she turned dying of cancer to living with cancer by developing a positive mindset which enabled her to cope with the devastating diagnosis of terminal bowel cancer. She urges everyone, whatever their situation, to question each day and to make choices as if you didn’t have a tomorrow. This is not meant to be a negative thought, purely one to make you live each day to the full. She says ‘..by harnessing the power of positivity and valuing each day as though it could be your last, you’ll find out .. it is possible to live with joy and purpose, no matter what.’

Learning that you have an incurable illness and that you are going to die is tough but Deborah was able to flip her mindset from 'I am going to die' to 'but I still have a life to lead.' She packed as much in to each day as she possibly could, achieving incredible things in the last few months of her life. She believes we can all do that, should we choose to do so, by turning a negative spiralling mindset into realistic hope. Instead of focussing on the why something is happening, whatever that situation is, we should focus on the why not.

Deborah strongly believed that the way we respond to any situation in which we find ourselves, can either empower us or destroy us. With the right skills and approach, everyone can tackle the challenges facing them and find the strength and hope to get through, even when we are in the darkest of places. That inner strength exists in us all and will show itself if we allow it to and with the right mindset.

Having hope helps us to live better, sleep better and feel better, even if that hope is purely as simple as having a good day, a day free of pain, being able to go outside or being able to get out of bed ... it really doesn’t matter.

Other enlightening chapters deal with how goal setting is good but goals can and sometimes have to be changed and that doesn’t mean failure. Goals can be broken down into smaller more attainable ones when life throws us a curved ball ensuring that we still feel success rather than failure. But she also states that experiencing failure is a good thing as it helps us to learn and thrive and push ourselves further. Another chapter deals with being grateful and realising that despite dire circumstances, there is always something to be grateful for. It might be the smallest thing, but if we search for it we can switch our mindset to recognising the tiniest positive in amongst all the gloom and doom and this will set us up for a better day and a better frame of mind. The power of gratitude is an incredibly powerful thing and although it may take some time to come naturally, it will and each time you are able to do it, your mind and spirit will lift and leave you in a better place.

With a foreword written by presenter Gaby Logan, £3 from the sale of each book goes to the Bowelbabe Fund for Cancer Research, the fund Deborah set up in the weeks before she died, along with all royalties.

'How to live when you could be dead' is an enlightening, positive read which may make you rethink your outlook on life, as well as giving you the tools needed to help you through any challenges you may have to face.