Rainbow Positivity - 2022

A Native American Prayer

I give you this, one thought to keep,

I am with you still; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on the snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle Autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not think of me as gone,

I am with you still, in each new dawn.

Christmas is such a happy time when we join together with friends and families for fun times and celebrations, but it is also a time when we often miss those that were once close to us and are no longer there the most. Whether it is through distance, illness, separation, death or other circumstances, it can be hard to get through the festive celebrations and enjoy ourselves, when we are missing someone badly and it can feel quite lonely.

At Christmas time, I I remember my grandparents, all long gone now. They would come to visit us or we would spend the day at theirs. I particularly remember the Christmas Eve that my grandma died and my parents trying so hard to keep everything as normal and happy as possible for us children. How hard it must have been for them. I also remember other family members who are no longer with us and friends from my past.

I came across this prayer and thought it was so moving. It reminded me that although a person may not physically be with us anymore, in our hearts and in our minds, they are never truly forgotten. Our memories keep them alive for eternity.

Those that have passed are never truly gone. Snippets of music, a conversation, a photograph, a smell or sound can all vividly conjure up clear memories of each and every one of them. It might be the smell of the particular soap that my Nana used to use, stored in a cupboard at the top of the stairs, smoke from a pipe reminding me of my Grandad rocking in his chair, finding jam in chocolate cake (a definite no no in my opinion but something my Grandma always did!) or seeing a particular flower blossom (my Pop was an avid gardener who had a multitude of begonias and gloxinias) – they all spark a memory and bring happy thoughts. And while those memories are there, so are they – just in a different form.

If someone you love has passed, I hope that these words provide some comfort for you. I strongly believe that if we look closely enough, we can find something of our loved ones in everything we see, everything we hear and everything we do. I hope that you too can conjure up happy memories despite the sadness.

Wishing everyone a beautiful, relaxing and happy Christmas time.

Sometimes things can look totally insurmountable! It could be a work task, recovering from surgery or an illness, or just getting through the normal day to day stuff. There are times when life just seems too much. I’ve had days when I have felt totally unable to cope, that the stresses and expectations on me are just unachievable and that there is no point in starting something if you cannot see a way to the end.

Over the years I have realised that this is not true! I have learned to step back, to reassess and to break things down into small steps. Each time a small step is achieved, I have taken a step towards my goal. It might take me a while, but by breaking things down, I realise that I can achieve the end result.

After my surgery and illness, it literally was putting one foot in front of the other. I had been running 5km, walking 10,000+ steps a day and suddenly I was barely able to move as I had no energy and was in pain. There are times when rest is THE most important thing and although I am not a person to sit doing nothing, I very quickly realised that it was essential for my long term recovery. But when I was able to start doing things again, I had to be patient and take it one step at a time. Walking to the end of the garden would exhaust me, but bit by bit, I built up and got to the end of the road, to the shop, round the block and then back to my usual walking routes.

Immediately after surgery, the thought of walking around my village was the equivalent to climbing a mountain. It didn’t seem possible. I felt the weakest I had done in a very long time but step by step I did it. The saying is quite true, taking small steps might not seem like you are making much progress, but it soon mounts up and when you look back, or look down, you will realise the mountain you have climbed.

Dig deep, take it slowly and most mountains are achievable!

Sometimes we just have to cut off the dead branches in our life. Sometimes that’s the only thing we can do to keep the tree alive. It’s hard and it hurts, but it’s what is best.

Nicola Williams

Have you ever tried to remain friends with someone even though they have let you down or hurt you? I have on numerous occasions. I try hard to forgive bad behaviour or make excuses for it, assuming that these people are going through something difficult in their own lives and need to express it in some way, but in reality, I am not doing myself any favours. If people continue to make your life hard, put you down or make you feel worthless, why is it that we often do our utmost, whatever it takes, to retain their ‘friendship’ and not instead choose to cut them loose?

I think it is because we all have an innate desire to be liked and loved. We don’t want to think that people dislike us or want to cause us unhappiness. We feel that if we continue to be kind and patient they will eventually change and, in some cases, we might be lucky, but more often than not, the person in question continues to let us down whatever we do. This can have a hugely damaging effect on our wellbeing and feelings of self-worth, preventing us from leading happy and fulfilled lives.

Cutting ‘off the dead branches’ seems a cruel and tough thing to do. If you live in a small village or you are thinking about your workplace, it seems impossible to cut someone out of your life completely. It might be impossible to avoid certain people and it can be incredibly awkward and uncomfortable to meet but for our own sanity, maybe, just maybe, it is essential to do something. Sometimes we might just have to put our own wellbeing first and if we want to remain strong and alive, then removing those who continue to make our life unhappy is the only way. They don’t add anything to your life, they are not contributing to your well-being, they are not encouraging you to be successful, so why keep them in your life? Why not just move on and find those that will support you, who are happy when you are happy, who are there for you when you are sad and who want to see you enjoying life? These are the people who are needed in life – true friends who want you to be the best that you can be and don’t feel the need to pull you down at every opportunity.

Dead wood needs to be removed from trees to keep them healthy. The same can be said for our lives. Perhaps just occasionally, we should put ourselves first and remain polite and civil but removed from those who bring nothing to the friendship except self-doubt and unhappiness. However much it hurts, maybe it just needs to be done.

Autumn is such a beautiful month with its glorious colours, harvest fruits and crisp but refreshing weather. I couldn’t resist the statement above which seemed very apt. In Autumn the trees lose their leaves and prepare for winter. They stand tall and resolute and, in the spring, they are renewed and re-invigorated with fresh green buds and leaves. It happens every year. Out with the old and in with the new.

Moving on and letting things go is something I find difficult – especially if I feel wronged or misunderstood. I go over and over things in my head, suffer many a sleepless night and sink into a depression if I am not careful. It can take me a very long time to get over things when I feel hurt and even now I can recall certain things that have happened in my past that still leave me feeling sad and confused many years later. But if I really think about it, it is me that is allowing that to happen and for my own sanity and peace of mind, I really do need to learn how to move on, how to keep things from the past in the past and how to look forwards instead of backwards. I need to be that tree, letting the leaves fall and float away, standing strong and waiting for that rebirth which will inevitably come.

It is not an easy thing to do and I admire those that can brush life’s hassles away and constantly look forward. But I can recognise that this is the way life should be. We need to live in the present: enjoy the moment, look to the future and let the past remain in the past. What is done is done. What is coming could be even better.

So, as I walk around the village, breathing in that special Autumn scent, enjoying the changing colours of the leaves around me and the bright red berries that appear to be in abundance, I shall try to remind myself to let old wounds heal and open my heart to new experiences, new friendships and new adventures.

Grief is the price we pay for love.

Queen Elizabeth the second 1926 -2022

It is a simple statement but it says a lot. We grieve for someone because we loved them. I cannot speak for all but many in Great Britain and around the world are mourning the loss of the Queen. And the depth of that love is shown in the way we are feeling, how it has affected us emotionally and spiritually and how it brings back memories of others we have lost – particularly mothers and grandmothers.

The Queen used this phrase when she sent a message of condolence to the United States of America following the 9/11 victims in 2001 and also when she referred to the loss of her beloved husband, the Duke of Edinburgh, ‘her strength and stay,’ last year. The phrase was subsequently repeated by the new Prince of Wales in his first address remembering his Grannie and by the President of the United States Joe Biden.

It takes time and attention to grieve for someone we loved. We mourn, we remember, we laugh, we smile and we cry. For those we loved the most, we grieve the most, taking the time needed to come to terms with our loss. If we have invested great love in someone then the impact of grief is much greater than that of a passing acquaintance or someone we liked and admired but never truly loved.

In that respect, the depth of our grief can perhaps be measured as directly proportional to the love and security we have lost in the death of a much loved one.

It is hard to endure grief and loss. It takes time to build the strength and courage to continue, but we do. We forge a new way of life – never quite the same and always perhaps with that feeling that someone is missing, but we battle on and forge our way through the grief. It might be easier never to grieve for anyone but what a life that would be – a life devoid of the deep love for those we care about.

To all those who are grieving whether for the Queen, a parent or a close friend – have strength and courage and remember them with love.

Yesterday is history.

Tomorrow is a mystery.

Today is a gift!

I had a lot of time to think last year. Many days I wasn’t well enough to get out and do all the things I wanted to do or go to work, I was lying on the sofa or sitting in the garden with more time to think than I would normally have. My circumstances also made me think differently.

When I finished teaching, I spent a lot of time thinking about the past. Had I been a good teacher? Had I wasted my whole life on a career that I wasn’t very good at? Did I do the best for my pupils? The list was endless. It wore me down. I was worrying that I hadn’t done anything of value in all the years I had been teaching and my worrying got out of proportion.

And then when I was ill, there was a time when I worried about tomorrow. How would I feel? Would I be able to eat? Would I be able to go for a walk? Would I feel as rubbish as I did the day before? I had to be careful that the worrying didn’t take over and make me feel even worse than I already was.

And then because my mind was taking me to some dark places, I realised, that instead of making the most of each day I was worrying about things that had either already happened and were over, or hadn’t actually happened yet and possibly might not. It just seemed a complete waste of time and was making me more ill and sadder than I already was.

I love this statement. It is so simple and yet I find the message so apt and profound!

There are times in our lives when everything seems insurmountable. It could be problems at home, work, your family, recovering from illness … just about anything and these problems build into what seems a never-ending staircase with the top unreachable. We stand at the bottom, looking up and think ‘There is no way I am going to get up there.’ But we can if we step back and take things one step at a time.

Often, we try to rush to reach our goal and we are just not ready for it. It proves too difficult so we give up, but if we take it in small steps then anything is achievable.

After I had my children, I felt totally overwhelmed. Having 2 babies at once, looking after a 4 year old and trying to keep the house running smoothly seemed daunting. I ended up making list after list of what I needed to achieve each day and what I would like to achieve at some point. At first it was little things like have a shower, eat a cooked meal, take the children out for a walk etc, nothing dramatic or lifechanging, but it got me into a routine and showed that I was capable of more than I thought.

After my recent surgery, my aims were modest: walking up the stairs, pottering in the garden, hanging out the washing and so on – small tasks, but each achievement felt like a step on those stairs back to normality. It has taken me a year so far to achieve most things and I’m not quite at the top of those stairs (ie back to how I was pre illness) but I am almost there. It is within sight and I know that as long as I don’t do anything silly or push myself too hard, I will reach the top.

I was keen to get back jogging after achieving the couch to 5km pre diagnosis but felt that I was unlikely to achieve it again. Once I felt well enough, I had to go right back to the beginning of the programme and heading out that first time was so tough, both mentally and physically. I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t want to start again but knew that I had to and it has worked. I'm not at 5km yet, but I am actually achieving distances far quicker than I did first time around.

So that simple statement rings true for me – have courage, take that first step, however hard it might seem, and continue one step at a time. It won’t be long before you find yourself at the top of that staircase looking down and hopefully encouraging others!

I’ve always believed that walking away from a bad situation is a weakness – a weakness because you haven’t the strength or courage to face up to things, whether it be something bad that has happened to you, a clash of words with someone or losing faith in yourself. It has taken me a long time and several difficult situations to realise that in fact, the opposite is the truth. I now realise that to walk away from what you know, what is comfortable and maybe what is easy, takes tremendous strength and courage. We could all settle for an easier life but by having that courage, we can move on to bigger and better things. We can move onto something more fulfilling where we are loved and appreciated and respected. We can move on and regain self-respect, self-worth and self-motivation. It is only by walking away sometimes, that we begin to understand our inner strength. We may never persuade others that we have worth and value but in our innermost selves, we know! And that is the most important thing. Who cares what other people think? Believe in yourself, your integrity and your values – have the courage to stand up for what you believe in and be brave enough to walk away when you know that it is the right thing to do. Don’t settle for second best! It might not be easy but you will be glad that you have done it in the long run.

Maybe it is not easy to be 'the one.' When life turns on you or you are feeling rubbish, you hope against hope that someone will be ‘the one’ for you, the one that lifts your spirits, offers support and friendship and is alongside you through the difficult times.

I have found in recent years, that being ‘the one,’ the one who at least tries, is noticed by those who are important in my life and reciprocated many times over. In the last 18 months or so, through possibly the hardest part of my life so far, I have experienced ‘the one’ on numerous occasions. Maybe you will recognise yourself: the one who left a packet of my favourite biscuits on the doorstep whilst I was undergoing chemotherapy and struggling to eat, the one who messaged me every day even though sometimes all I could do was respond with a sad face emoji, the one who sent me a postcard because they know I love getting things in the post, the one who hugged me when I was feeling so desperately low and couldn’t see the way forwards or the one who listened, when I didn’t want advice, just someone that I could offload too. I could go on, there have been so many examples, many of which might have gone unnoticed in past years, but now I recognise them for what they are: friendship, kindness and love. We don’t have to do all the examples above to be ‘the one’ we just need to do something, one thing, anything. We can all ‘Be that one today’ and everyday, if we stop and think and reach out.

Let me know what you have done to be ‘the one’ and help provide inspiration to others.

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

Anne Frank

There is no doubt that Anne was wise beyond her years. It is such a simple statement but it is absolutely true. We can wait for a long time before doing anything: waiting for the right opportunity, waiting for the right thing, waiting for permission but in reality we can all act whenever we want, to make things slightly better for someone else.

We can smile at the person we pass in the street, compliment someone out of the blue, plant some bee friendly flowers, provide a helping hand to a stranger or be a listening ear. It doesn’t take much, but every little act, every simple gesture makes a difference to someone. It might not mean much to you, but to them it could mean the world; an acknowledgement of their existence and a moment of happiness. We never truly know what another person is feeling; what their home life might be like; whether they are struggling with a problem or whether they are crying out for help but we can support one another and make the world a better place to be. As Anne says, don’t wait a single moment – do something today that will make a difference for someone else.

Even though there are days I wish I could change some things that happened in the past, there’s a reason the rear-view mirror is so small and the windscreen so big. Where you are headed is much more important than what you’ve left behind.

I have had many days when my insecurities, anxiety or depression has made me think that I should have done things differently. If only …. If only I had stood up for myself, if only I had said this instead of that, if only I had acted in a different way ….. Life is full of ‘if onlys!’

We could spend our entire time looking backwards and worrying about what has been done, wasting precious days and experiences, when we should be looking forwards and moving on. Mistakes are made. We all make them, so we need to learn to acknowledge them and then move on and look to the future. Know that better things are coming if you allow them to. Give yourself the courage to forgive those who have upset you and forgive yourself for your past actions. We can use the future to make changes – to our lifestyles, to the way we think and act and we can then hopefully avoid making the same mistakes again. We cannot keep looking back to the past, what is done is done. For our sanity we need to look to the future even though that may be difficult. Depression can strike at any time and can take you to some very dark places, but if we all try to look forward rather than backwards, perhaps those bleak times will become less and less. We will have learned and moved on, which is surely a much healthier approach to life.

Can’t clean up the whole room?

Clean a corner of it.

Can’t do all the dishes?

Do a dish.

Can’t get in the shower?

Wash your face.

Always look for the thing you CAN do, with the energy and focus you DO have.

Little wins pave the way for bigger wins.

1% beats 0%

Dr Glenn Doyle

I came upon this quote last week and loved it – it really made me think.

I often get overwhelmed by the sheer mountain of jobs that need to be done. My whole house needs sorting, decluttering and reorganising. I start off with good intentions, begin emptying things and then find that I have neither the energy nor inclination to finish the job. Last summer when I was undergoing cancer treatment, I was physically unable to do lots of things. Chemotherapy zapped me of energy and some days it was enough to get up washed and dressed. It was then I started breaking down jobs into small and manageable tasks. Each one I completed was a huge boost and gave me the motivation to try again once I had rested. At the end of each day I was able to note down what I had achieved and see how this increased each week. Breaking larger jobs down made everything seem much easier to achieve and it is something I still try to do today. Thinking about tackling a whole room means I tend to put the job off – I haven’t got time to do it all, but by telling myself to sort just one drawer or cupboard at a time I have the motivation to crack on and without realising it, the majority of the work is done within a very short period of time.

Give it a try and see for yourself!

Have you discovered this? I have! When I was at my lowest, suffering from a lack of self confidence and low esteem, any of these brightened my day and would make me think that things perhaps weren’t quite as bad as they seemed. They gave me a glimmer of hope, a light to work towards and a reason to get up in the morning.

I remember one occasion when work was really getting on top of me and I lost all faith in my teaching abilities, convinced that I had wasted my life on a career I just was not good enough for. One of my colleagues took away the children’s books to scrutinize and, on her return, made the comment ‘Well you can certainly see that the children have progressed.’ It was almost a throw away comment, but it was the first positive thing I had heard in a very long time and I promptly burst into tears. Those few words made me realise that I actually could do the job. As a teacher, I had spent years encouraging and supporting children to do their best but only then realised that as adults, we also need that encouragement and support.

During the pandemic and through my illness – a smile from a stranger, a word of encouragement from an acquaintance, a visit or a letter from a close friend were all things that helped me through the difficult times. Gestures don’t have to be big and lavish; each tiny thoughtful action can be just as powerful and just as helpful. A thank you makes people feel appreciated, a compliment makes someone feel good about themselves, a smile makes people feel accepted, a hug shows people that they are loved. All small, simple and easy to do. We have no idea what people are going through even when life outwardly seems good. So many people are hiding reality, struggling inwardly or finding the pressures of life and work just too hard – take a moment to reach out and give them a small ray of light – take that moment to help someone else.

Life can get very comfortable sometimes. We stick with what we know, what we are used to and we are mostly happy. And then every now and again something comes along that makes us think a little differently - perhaps a disagreement with a friend, a change in work situation or a feeling that life is passing us by. Taking that first step to change things can be difficult and scary. We don’t know what will happen, we might make a big mistake and make things worse or we might just be too frightened of leaving what we know, to take that step into the unknown, even though we are unhappy. And yet, if we are brave enough to do it, to change that page and move on, it could be the best thing we have ever done.

I was working in some form of educational setting from the moment I left college. I hadn’t done anything else and didn’t feel I was capable of anything else, so leaving was terrifying. What could I do? I gave myself 6 months to rest and recover before looking for something else, but in the end, I was working within 6 weeks in an area that I would never have imagined. It took courage to apply, go through screening tests and a week of training with a group of strangers, but it was one of the best things I ever did. Those strangers have now become colleagues and friends: they are helpful, supportive and encouraging. I am learning new things every day and I am enjoying the challenges that the job brings. I am on a new page, in a new book and hopefully developing into a new me. It has opened out a different world for me.

So go for it .. be brave, take that first step and see what the new page brings for you!

The greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Because when you give your time, you are giving a portion of your life that you will never get back.

Giving someone a gift doesn’t have to cost money. The gift of time is priceless! Everyone is busy these days and life always seems to be a rush – rushing from one place to the next, one person to the next, or one activity to the next – there is never enough time. So, anyone who is prepared to give up some of their limited time to comfort you, support you, help you or just be with you, has to be a most amazing person, giving the most wonderful gift in my opinion. A few moments can make all the difference to someone who is struggling or just finding things a bit too much. A few moments can be all that it takes to change a difficult day for someone into a bearable day, a sad day into a happy day and a despairing day into a more hopeful day. Time is the most precious gift of all. I am so thankful to all those that gave up their time during my illness, whether it was keeping me company, sending me uplifting texts or taking me to appointments. They made a huge difference!

Whenever you show kindness or courage or honour or generosity of spirit, you are a light in the darkness.

Be a light.

Naneh Hoffman

Have you ever felt so low that your whole being can only see darkness and gloom? It is such an awful, lonely and often scary place to be and for some it can seem that there is no light, no ray of hope to be found.

Being a light doesn’t take much. A kind word, an unexpected smile, a welcome hug or a simple touch on the arm can be all the light that someone needs to know that people care. If we all tried to be a light what a brighter and happier place the world would be.

Despite current circumstances there is evidence every day that there is light in the world, that people want to reach out and help others in need. We might not be able to make a huge difference in world events but we can make a huge difference closer to home.

If you see someone who appears to be struggling, give them that ray of light and make their day that tiny bit brighter.

Sometimes it is hard to be hopeful. Life overtakes us and bogs us down with worries and anxieties and sometimes it feels like that there is a rain cloud above us and the gentle light shower we were coping with has turned into a downpour so heavy that it threatens to overcome us. But have hope. Work through the storm, dig deep and inevitably the clouds begin to break and we see a glimmer of light – a glimmer of something better to come. And then the sun shines once more and the plants grow and suddenly the world seems a lighter, brighter place. Have hope and faith that those times will come whatever your current circumstances. Believe! Life will get better.

If you have ever suffered from depression or have gone through a hard time, you will know how much it means when someone reaches out to you, offers a helping hand, a warm smile or a gentle hug. It can make such a difference knowing that there is someone who cares and it really does brighten up a dark world and offer hope for better times to come. I have so appreciated all those who have reached out to me during difficult times and been surprised that it is not always the most obvious people. They may never know what a difference they made or how much they helped me, but I do, and that is why I try to reach out to others. Pay it forward time! Just imagine how much difference we could make if everyone reached out to one other person they noticed was struggling.

If you feel like you’re losing everything, remember that trees lose their leaves every year and they still stand tall and wait for better days to come.

Some days it is just so hard to imagine that life is going to get better - everything seems dark and difficult. Working in the forest, I see the trees through the different seasons: the leaves changing colour and falling silently in Autumn, the branches stark and bare through winter, the buds forming and opening in Spring and the tree in all its beautiful splendour in the summer. It stands and it waits and it grows and it changes. We can too. Keep breathing, have patience and believe – it may seem that you have lost everything or that you don't know which way to turn, but things will change and life will get better.

Give it time.

Close the door to your past.

Open the door to your future.

Take a deep breath and step through to a new life.

When I closed the door on teaching, I had no idea what to do with myself. I’d wanted to teach since the age of 6 and had never really thought about doing anything else, I couldn’t imagine not being a teacher and didn’t know what else I could do. But amazingly, a new experience unexpectedly emerged and I became a sensory panellist for a confectionary company and I LOVE it! I fell into it by accident, It is completely different to anything I have ever done before; and I am learning new skills. So, although my teaching door closed, it enabled a new door to open that I would never ever have imagined doing.

One day at a time ...