Rainbow Positivity  - 2023

I came across this quote recently and it really resonated with me. I had never thought of looking for the ‘best’ things during the worst periods of my life, and there have been some difficult times over the years as with everyone I know.  But the statement is so true on both counts.

I would never really describe myself as a strong person. I’ve had times when I have really struggled to function normally, to hide my fears and in some cases just to get up in the morning and get through the day. There have been times when I have felt so ill and so frightened that I have wondered how I would manage and yet somehow I do. I’ve had a couple of times when I have been seriously ill in hospital, having major surgery and coping with the after effects. There were times when I wondered if I would be able to deal with it, to move on and to forge onwards with life. An ectopic pregnancy put my life in real danger and plunged me into a depression.  Cancer surgery left me feeling terrified for the future.

They were times of physical and mental pain and I would never have believed I could pull myself together and work hard to regain fitness and yet I did, both times. It was hard work but by setting myself small targets and pushing myself a little more each day when I felt able to, I did indeed return to reasonable health and fitness levels, though not perhaps exactly as I had been. I had to dig deep to find that inner strength and to prove to myself that I was indeed much stronger than I thought. People tell you that you are brave but I don’t feel that at all, it was merely a case of choosing whether to improve or whether to stay as I was. My decision was to work hard to return to normal or as close to normal as quickly as I could.

I truly believe that strength is in everyone …. If they want to find it. It takes courage to dig deep in hard times.  It takes patience to accept that you can no longer do everything as you did, or to start again to build up strength. It takes resilience to cope with the setbacks which will inevitably hit you along the way. But I truly do feel that if you want to, you will find your inner strength and prove to yourself that you are far far stronger than you might ever think.

I also realised both times, that not everyone was as they seemed and their true colours really did show. Some people’s reactions saddened me while others surprised me. Some good friends drifted away unable to cope with my illness or my depression, others who were more passing acquaintances, demonstrated such kindness and support that they have now become good friends. Small gestures, offers of help, visits, regular messages – were all gratefully received and they all helped a great deal. I will be forever grateful to those who went out of their way to support me and to encourage me to progress. I will be forever grateful that they gave up their time to visit, take me out, write me a letter or offer encouragement when I was at my lowest. These people were the rainbows in my life when the clouds were at their darkest. They helped to lift my mood, find my inner strength and move on.

I’ve lost people along the way which is always sad, but I have also found new people who have become better friends and hopefully I can be to them what they have been to me – someone who can be there when needed through good times and bad, who can provide strength and encouragement as required and smiles and support when they are needed the most.

Today has been a bad day. I’ve had so much on my mind that I messed up totally at work. I made a mistake. It wasn’t a huge life changing mistake but nevertheless, I made a rooky error that I shouldn’t have done. I know that I have been distracted with lots of worries going on but I shouldn’t have let it affect my work.

As soon as I realised my mistake, I had a decision to make. Do I own up and try to rectify it?  Or, do I just leave things as they are and hope that it won’t be noticed? In my head, I knew that I had to own up. I also knew that it would not go down well and I wasn’t looking forward to that. As it happens, the news was taken more calmly than I thought and as I volunteered to stay late and reinput my data, the work for the other person to sort things out was not increased by much. But still, I got the look and the reminder that I had been careless.

My problem is, that several hours later, I am still fretting about my mistake and beating myself up about it. It is something that I do quite regularly. I can’t forget instantly and move on, I go over it in my head, trying to work out where I went wrong and berating myself for being stupid. I should have been more careful. I shouldn’t have made the error. I should have known better. And each time I do this, my self confidence diminishes a little bit more. I recognise it as a fault of mine but am struggling to change it.

I sat looking through my book of quotes on my return and found the above one which I have read several times. This one is one that I should be following regularly.  I should realise that we all make mistakes, not just me, and that we can learn from them, deal with them, put them behind us and move on. We can learn so much from our mistakes: how we acknowledge them, how we deal with them, how we can prevent them happening again but I think the biggest lesson we can learn is to be kind and forgiving to ourselves.

I’m one of those people who are very hard on themselves. I constantly berate myself for not being good enough or certainly not as good as others. I never feel confident that I have something valuable to offer in comparison with others but I don’t really know why I feel this way. I can only put it down to previous experiences and having lived most of my life with imposter syndrome!  It is debilitating. It is upsetting. It messes with your mind.

I rarely have a day when I feel completely satisfied and happy with all that has happened. There is usually something I could have done better or something more I could have done. In my case, I want to do a good job. I want to be a kind person. I want to do well and ultimately, I care that I am doing things well. I care what other people think of me and that is perhaps what causes most of my issues. I don’t want others to think that I am not good enough, that I don’t work hard enough or that I don’t care whether I do the job well or not. But because of that, I put myself under incredible pressure which makes me question everything I do. I think this has become worse since going through cancer treatment and as I get older but I don’t really know why.

I need to read the quote above regularly and follow its wisdom. Nobody is perfect – we all make a mistake every now and again or say an unkind word. It wouldn’t be normal to never ever do something that could be better. I need to think that today was not a good day but I recognised I had made a mistake and owned up to it, I apologised and I suggested a way to put it right. So, in retrospect, what more could I have done?

I recognise that it is time for me to try to switch off, readjust and refocus for the rest of the day. Next week, is another opportunity to start afresh and make sure that I do not make the same mistake again.  And in the meantime, I need to work on letting go and moving on. It’s not easy but for my mental health, I realise it is time I learnt and succeeded! And perhaps if I can learn to forgive myself, other people will forgive me more readily too.

Wish me luck!

It’s not often I choose a quote from an actor but I rather liked this simple statement by Drew Barrymore. A successful actress, producer and business woman, Drew has led a colourful life with many problems to overcome.  As a young child she starred in 'ET' and became one of the most famous child actors of all time but it led to a childhood linked to drug and alcohol abuse. Drew went on to star in a string of romantic comedies such as '50 First Dates' and 'The Wedding Singer' and has had many awards and nominations, overcoming her much publicised wild childhood problems.

We all change in life. We are not the same people we were as children, teenagers, young adults and so on. We are constantly adapting to new roles (child, wife, mother, auntie etc), new experiences (moving house, getting married, getting divorced) and constantly re-inventing ourselves as we take on different roles.

There are also times in everybody’s past when they might not have acted in the best way or the kindest way, times when we wished we had reacted differently. Drew’s comment reminds us that whatever has happened in the past, however badly we may have acted, we can always change and grow into a better, kinder, more empathetic, responsible person. We can take steps to change and to make things different.

We read of children who bullied others at school becoming counsellors to help others, of those from a poor background working hard to improve their life and give back to the community, of people committing serious crimes, repenting and changing. It is possible.  We can all do it if we want to. It might be a minor change in our outlook on life, our approach to life or the way we react to people. It might be changes we need to make at work to be more confident, more approachable, more assertive or it could be individual things such as learning to be kinder to ourselves, to educate ourselves or to inspire others.

I’ve heard many a person say I’m too old to change now, I’m set in my ways but this doesn’t have to be the case - we can all change if we want to and if we are prepared to put in some effort. We can all transform into a new and beautiful butterfly if we make the decision to do so.

My major change was during my cancer treatment. I’d always thought of myself as a realist prior to my cancer diagnosis - someone who was never overly positive in outlook but realistic about what could happen - not getting too excited in case I was disappointed. I was always a person who planned things – I very rarely did anything spontaneous. That was just me. And then life changed due to Covid and cancer which meant I couldn’t do a lot of the things I wanted to and it was difficult to plan as I didn’t know how I would feel or if Covid restrictions would be in place. It was then I started to look at things slightly differently. If I felt good and it was possible, I would go out on the spur of the moment. One day I  felt like fish and chips on the beach so we got in the car and drove to Filey – no planning, no previous thinking, just an on-the-spot decision that was possible. Another day I rang up and bought theatre tickets with just an hour to go before the show started. We just made it in time!! I’d never acted like that before but I kind of liked it.

This has led to other snap decisions that sometimes are possible and sometimes not. And now I make a concerted effort to try to look at things in a more positive way.  If something not so good happens, I try to switch it around, there is usually some positive to be found if you look hard enough! And funnily enough this has made me feel a bit happier within myself - an extra bonus.

My family are currently going through some difficult times and some members are finding it hard to find anything positive at all. That is totally understandable, but I feel that if they could just try to see things in a slightly different way, they too could experience joy once more and maybe they too could transform themselves into a butterfly.

It is never too late. We just need to look at ourselves subjectively and work out what needs to be done. Perhaps then we can all transform into the beautiful butterflies we should be.

Be like a tree.

Stay grounded.

Connect with your roots.

Turn over a new leaf.

Bend before you break.

Enjoy your unique natural beauty.

Keep growing.

Joanne Rapits

Stay grounded – be aware of all that is around you and of all the people that around you. Enjoy any success and the good things that happen in life, but try not to let it make you into something you are not. Nobody likes a show off, a big head or somebody who thinks they are above everyone else.

Connect with your roots – remember where you started, who made you, who helped you on your way. I always like to think of the saying be kind to those on the way up as they will be kind to you on your way down! In other words, by connecting with your roots and remembering those who have helped, supported, assisted, been kind to you and so on, you will be a much more humble, kind and generous person.

Turn over a new leaf – it is never too late to recognise your mistakes and to change them. Every day we get up, we can become a different person if we choose to. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone is capable of trying to overcome them and make things better. If life is not what you want, be determined to start over and try a different tack -who knows what that might bring? If you haven’t always acted in the best manner, turn over a new leaf, start afresh, apologise, become a different person.

Bend before you break – I’ve broken on numerous occasions. I’ve been stubborn or not recognised the signs and ploughed on regardless and I have been hurt. I’ve also tried on occasions to do too much to the detriment of my own health and wellbeing, despite my intention being to help others. Sometimes we have to bend, we have to give in to protect ourselves and those around us. Starting again after a break is so much harder than making changes as you go along and it is not selfish to sometimes put yourself first.

Enjoy your unique natural beauty – how many of us have looked in the mirror or compared ourselves to a friend and believed that we are not good enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough and so on?  I bet most people have at some point. The thing to remember is that we can all be beautiful in thought and spirit, in our actions and the way we speak to other people. Each one of us is unique and each one of us is beautiful in our own way, we just have to recognise it. Stop comparing yourself to other people and believing that you are not good enough because you are, just in a different way! I bet the people we envy are thinking something about you that they wish they were like such as being patient, or sporty or just being a person people want to be around.

Keep growing – there is potential in us all to keep on growing, every single day. We can always try something new, or learn something new. There is another book to read, a programme to watch, a place to visit – all of these things help us to grow and develop and keep our minds active and well. I’ve seen the damage that can be done by those that think they are too old to change or to learn something new and am determined that I will not be the same. To me, the day I stop learning is the day I give up living. We can grow in knowledge, in health and in the way we are as people and I hope that I continue to keep growing and being the kind of person that I want to be.

These are just my thoughts. You might interpret the statements differently but today and everyday I want to be a tree!

I’m a book lover so I adore any quotes relating to books! This one though, definitely resonates. When I look back at my life (which I seem to do more now that I am getting older!) I can divide it up into different chapters. Some have indeed been happy ones – meeting my future husband, having my children, spending time with family, enjoying my work etc and some have been really exciting – living on the Falkland Islands, riding in a helicopter, travelling to different countries. We all have these times in our lives but we also have the unhappy or sad chapters. It is a natural part of life. These are the times when life doesn’t go as we had hoped, we lose loved ones, fall out with friends, suffer various illnesses and so on.

A major part of my life has been led by fear. I am fearful of not being good enough, being able to cope, being able to be spontaneous or take risks. It is just the way I am, but I do have regrets that this behaviour has led me to miss out on some wonderful and exciting opportunities. It has made me act in a way that hasn’t always been to my benefit or to show the best of my abilities.

Sometimes it is really scary to try something new or to head in a different direction to what is expected. It is easier to stick with what we know, what we feel comfortable with, but when I think of these opportunities as new chapters in a book, I have a glimpse of what might have been, what might have happened! No one ever really knows what is round the corner for them. We can predict how our lives will pan out but we can never be certain that that is what will actually happen.

I never envisaged leaving the education profession and doing something new. It took a lot for me to make that decision and although I miss working with the children and being part of school life, I now have a fascinating part time job working as a confectionary sensory taster! It is not something I had ever thought about, but on seeing a Facebook article entitled ‘Could this be the perfect job for you?’ something made me turn that metaphorical page and send an immediate reply saying Yes it was! From that I ventured into the world of chocolate tasting.

Looking to the next chapter might be a little scary. I hate getting older. I don’t like that my children are now grown up.  I worry about my parents who are in poor health. I hate the fact that minor niggles now make me anxious in case my cancer has returned.  So many worries and concerns facing me. So many reasons not to turn that page but life moves on and there is no way we can stop it.

Sometimes we may just need to be a bit braver, to turn the page to the next chapter in our lives enthusiastically and willingly and just see where it takes us. Opportunities are there for us all if we are willing to take the chance and give it a go.

When I am reading, I can’t wait to turn the page and read the next chapter. Perhaps I should work harder to ensure I lead my life in the same way.

How about you?

I rather like this analogy.  Life is full of good times and negative ones and quite often we end up focussing far too much and for far too long on just the negatives. They take over and we are so consumed by them, we forget to enjoy and make the most of the good things, however small they might be.

I’ve gone through times when it has been a huge struggle to see the positives because there have been far too many negatives going on at once. But what I did realise fairly quickly, was that if I got bogged down and could only see the bad times, my mind would spiral very quickly into a depression which was hard to pull up from. Instead, I learned to take all the brighter parts of a day, to write them down, to focus on them and to appreciate them.  The brighter parts might be something very tiny or seemingly insignificant, but they are still a brightness in what can seem to be an overwhelming darkness.

I had a conversation with someone recently about this very topic. They started their day by saying that they hated getting up in the morning because they didn’t know what they were going to be facing.  I kind of got it, but I also felt that this attitude coloured the day from the moment that person got up. Instead of waking and embracing a new day, they were still fixated on all that had gone wrong the previous one and what might (just might!) go wrong today. Within an hour, the next comment was  ‘When is anything going to go right today?’ and yet, at that point, nothing had actually gone wrong!

To me, this negative mindset completely dictates the way a day might go. Everything becomes a problem. Everything is difficult. Nothing is going right. And the little glimmers get lost in the noise. As I tried to point out to the person involved that particular morning: it was a glorious day, the sun was shining, the sky was a beautiful clear blue, the birds were singing and we were facing a brand-new day. This person had managed to get up, washed and dressed, made breakfast and washed up, did a little bit of dusting, answered the phone, spoke to carers, prepared lunch and managed 5 minutes sitting with a newspaper. To me, this was all positive. To me, this was a day when things were going right. Nothing spectacular, nothing out of the ordinary, but run of the mill stuff that maybe hadn’t been achieved a few weeks previously. Small things, small achievements but surely worthy of some recognition.

The last sentence about taking another shot is also an important one to me. None of us get everything right and in fact many of us learn and improve by doing things wrong. If we gave up at the first obstacle, we would never achieve anything, never improve, never move on. It is not always easy but if we can learn to put the past in the past and keep it there, then we can move forward and hopefully flourish.

Personally, I am very bad at forgetting the past and moving on. I muse over things for a long time, work them through in my head, try to understand what I have done, where I have gone wrong and what I can improve on but I also know that when I can put things behind me, I move on far quicker, feel much happier and achieve much more.

So, think of yourself as a camera and see if it helps to make life easier and simpler for you if you are having a tough time. Focus on the important things in life not the trivia, enjoy and celebrate the good times, the small achievements, the flashes of brightness and learn from, but put the negatives, well and truly behind you. And remember that other saying that you were probably told time and again by your parents and grandparents when you were a child: If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again.  Learn from your mistakes, take another shot and see how much better you can be.

Sending anyone in need a huge hug, positive vibes and lots of sunshine smiles 😊

Waking up to see another day is a blessing. 

Don’t take it for granted.

Make it count and be happy that you are alive.

Never before has this saying been quite so apt for my family and I.

We currently have a family member on end of life/palliative care. It is a particularly difficult time for us. The person knows that they are nearing the end of their life and it is hard. Each night when they go to sleep, they don’t know if they will wake the following morning. Each time they say goodbye to someone, they don’t know if it will be the last time that they see them. It is hard for us as a family to see this too. We also say good night and see you in the morning, not knowing if these words will actually come true.

And yet, the person involved has so far defied all expectations. They were not expected to live this long. They were not expected to see so many new days and I for one, feel truly blessed, each time that we wake at the dawning of a new day and are greeted with those simple words ‘Good morning.’  Although life is tricky and complicated, I pray for many more for the person involved.

I also know that for that person life is not great. They are unable to do anything much anymore. They are confined to a bed but through the window they can see the blue sky, fluffy white clouds, the sun shining on the houses opposite, or the rain beating down on the window. Each of these simple things is a pleasure that they thought they might not see again and they have made me realise just how lucky I am. I am lucky because I can go and walk outside and feel the sun beating down on my back, the rain splashing my face, the wind buffeting my hair – things they will never feel again. I can watch the spring flowers bloom in the garden, hear the sound of children playing in the school playground and walk freely. I have learned to be grateful for each of these small things having watched someone realise and acknowledge with patience and good grace, though sadness too, that these simple things are now impossible. I have learned what it is like to be accepting and gracious and thankful.

In my own life I have had times when I too wondered. Having an illness can make you rethink your life. Finding things difficult whether it be through a physical illness, mental health issues or just circumstances, affects the way you think. Looking to the future can be tough if you can’t see a way through your problems. When you feel so poorly that you can barely lift your head from the pillow from feeling so weak, it is hard to believe that things will get better. For some they won’t but for each new day we see there is a reason to be grateful. Another day with our loved ones, another day to put things right or set new things in motion, another day to be with friends and family.

Waking to see a new day is not guaranteed. Who knows what the future holds?  So, shouldn’t we be trying to make the most of every one that comes our way?

I am certainly trying and I am truly thankful that my family member is with us for a little bit longer.

Sometimes your circle decreases in size, but increases in value. 

Life is not about the quantity of friends you have.

It is about the quality of friends you have.

Our friendships change throughout our life, fulfilling different needs at different times. Some people are lucky to have friends from childhood, others have more recent friends. But I have learned that the number of friends is not important.  I now believe that I have a handful of ‘true friends’ who have seen me at my best and seen me at my worst, but who have stuck by me through thick and thin. If I act inappropriately they will tell me, if I do something nice they will tell me. They are thoughtful, honest, kind and there for me, as I hope that I am for them too. I would expect them to tell me if I am wrong about something, I would expect us to have disagreements, I would expect us to think very differently about some things, but I know that this doesn’t matter because true friendship overcomes all that easily. We can accept our differences, we can understand them even if we don’t agree with them, and we can continue to be good friends nevertheless. That to me is true friendship, as is knowing that if I am struggling, I can turn to them for good advice, for support and for care.

So I am more than happy with my few proper close friends. I don’t need lots anymore, I just need  a few good ones!

Life is full of ups and downs.  We seem to go through a period of stability followed by a time when everything just seems too much.  We can feel ourselves getting overwhelmed, losing control and struggling with demands on our time. I loved this analogy of carrying too many bags!  It seems to fit with the way I feel on occasion when I can sense myself tipping over the edge because there is too much to do, too many responsibilities or too many problems to overcome. I’m going through something like that now – trying to maintain my workload, my family and home life whilst helping to look after my parents who are both unwell and need support.

Somewhere in the mix of all that I am losing myself. There is no time for me to sleep properly, to eat healthy meals or just to take time to relax. Spending half the week with my parents and half the week at my own home is taking its toll but I know that it is currently necessary, there's not a great deal I can do about it. I can feel myself weighed down by ‘too many bags’ and I have realised that something has to or is likely to give. I can’t do everything, I can’t be the person I want to be, I have to prioritise. It has taken me time to realise that and to understand that it is important to focus on what is important and necessary at this precise moment, not what might be needed in the future. It is only by doing this, by putting some of those ‘bags’ down, that I can get through each day and achieve what needs to be done. The housework can wait. The home cooked meals can wait. The gardening can wait.  But caring for my parents, supporting my sister, providing for my family can’t.

I might want to do everything or feel obliged to do more, but I know that I can’t because if I don’t take care, I will make myself ill and what use would that be? Mums in particular are often guilty of trying to carry too much. We care for our partners, our children, our pets and our home and looking after ourselves seems to come at the very bottom of the list. We need to remember, that we can only do what we can. It is impossible to do everything and the sooner we realise that and prioritise, the sooner we can reach a suitable and sensible outcome.

And in amongst all that ’bag carrying’ we need to remember who WE are and what WE need, because we are all guilty of neglecting ourselves and losing who we are in the process of caring for everybody else.  It is time to focus on what is important and put the 'rest of the bags' down for a while!

I love this.  The first time I read it, it really made me think.

We all have bad days and it is difficult sometimes to brush them aside. We mull things over, we fret over what was said and done, we have a sleepless night tossing and turning and wake up the next morning often still thinking of what happened the day before. It colours the whole day but it is sometimes hard to forget and move on.

But it is very true - every day is a fresh start. We have a choice. We can wake up and resolve to change things, make them better, forget what has happened and move forwards or we can continue to think of whatever bad has happened the day before.  We don’t have to keep replaying what has gone before if we choose not to, we can resolve to start again, make things right and change the way we think. In other words, we can choose to do things differently.

When I was teaching, I would often tell children who had been in trouble or who had found things tough, that tomorrow was a new day and that we would start afresh – all misdemeanours forgiven and forgotten. I wanted them to know that I didn’t bear grudges and that if they came with that same attitude, the day would be much better. Some children adapted quickly to this way of thinking, others took a little longer, fretting over fallings out with their friends, being teased or being unable to do their work. But with practice they began to realise that a little bit of time overnight could change the way we think and make things a little easier. If they chose to come into school the next morning feeling bright and ready to try again, then the day inevitably went better for them.

I have learned through my own experiences that waking up and still thinking about the ‘broken past’ can make it very difficult to move on or to overcome something. It festers in your mind, drags you down and makes it hard to enjoy each day. Each day becomes progressively harder as we continue to carry around ‘old baggage.’  And then when I was diagnosed with cancer and some days really were tough, I often found that the only way to get through was to think that tomorrow would be a fresh start and a new beginning, and it might just not be quite so bad. It helped get me through the worst days of treatment when I was feeling so rubbish and it did work.

My illness also made me think that we should make the most of every single day because nobody can predict the future. Things don’t always go as planned. Circumstances can change so rapidly that we are in shock and so we should grab the good times and make the most of them. If we wake up each day feeling positive about the new day, it might just help us to deal with the bad times, when they happen, more easily and enable us to move on quicker. It seems a shame to waste days thinking of the ‘broken pieces’ that have come and gone instead of looking to the future, when we all have so much to live for.

Forget the past, embrace the future and enjoy each and every day!

Every situation in life is temporary.

So, when life is good, make sure you enjoy and receive it fully.

And when life is not so good, remember that it will not last forever and better days are on the way.

I read this and thought how apt it was to the way my life has been for the last few years. With all its ups and downs, it has sometimes been difficult to remain positive and upbeat and there have been days when I have just wanted to curl up in a corner and hide away. But, at this very point in my life, I can honestly say that better days have come and more will come. They may not be quite what I expected, or even what I had hoped for, but when I think back to those dark days, the days when I really struggled to function, I can see how far I have come and how better days did miraculously appear.

In our household, the festive season this year was a bit of a wash out. It did not go the way we had hoped nor the way we had planned. With one member of the household struck down by Covid and a family member rushed into hospital seriously ill, we ended the year feeling pretty low and the start of the new year was not full of the hope and optimism it should have been. But in reality, there is always some hope, and each day has brought tiny steps of optimism back and today we are in a much brighter place once again. It might be temporary but it is there.

I now try to take joy from the simplest things in life. Even on those dark days, getting outside, going for a walk and taking time to notice things improved my mental health and wellbeing. Being in the open air helps you to appreciate even the smallest thing – a tiny green blade pushing through the hardened earth, a single snowflake, a smile from a stranger – they all bring the promise and the hope of better things heading our way – a batch of flowers, a jolly snowman and the potential for a new friend.

There are always going to be difficult days in our lives so we need to make the most of the good days and the not so good days, and remember that if we can get through those bad times, good things will come once more.