Rainbow Positivity - 2024

When you choose joy, you feel good and when you feel good, you do good, and when you do good it REMINDS others of what JOY feels like and it just might inspire them to do the same.

Taken from the ‘From Me To You’ site.

Well, this statement resonates with me SO much at the moment although I am not sure that it is working as yet.

To be honest, I am struggling with life at present. My mood is low, my physical health is low, my motivation is practically non-existent. I recently came back from a week away feeling absolutely amazing. I was rested, relaxed and well and then I got hit by a huge dose of reality or what my reality is at present.

Spending three days with someone who can find no joy in life is heart breaking but also tough. Hearing them say that they have nothing to live for, no joy, no happiness and no purpose is dreadful. Knowing that this person actually does have a lot to live for but either cannot or will not see it, is even harder. They seem determined to be miserable, and refuse to be uplifted in any shape or form, however hard others try to help them. It breaks my heart.

As a result of this, I’ve sunk! I know why, I know it is not good for me, I’ve been here before, but this time around it seems even harder to pull myself out of it and yet I know for my own physical and mental wellbeing I have to. I turned my thinking around after my cancer diagnosis. Whereas before I was prone to see what I thought was the ‘realistic’ view but others thought was ‘pessimistic’, I now try to twist as many situations I can so that I can find a positive – something small that I can cling to that makes things a little nicer. I’ve actually got quite good at it until recently. If I look hard enough, I can usually find a small nugget of something positive or joyful or good.

Finding that nugget of joy or happiness can make a huge difference to a difficult situation and help to make it bearable. But I’ve also realised that I like to ‘do good’ too. Not in a 'do goody, what  a wonderful person I am,' way if you know what I mean, but just in a way that might brighten somebody else’s day. The reality of it is, that none of us know what other people are going through at any given time. Some people are really good at hiding their true emotions, fobbing us off with the ‘I’m fine’ statement when they are anything but, diverting attention elsewhere so nobody can see what is really going on. A moment of kindness, a gesture, a word, a smile can make all the difference. This small moment can remind people even in their darkest times, that there is joy to be found and to experience and perhaps it will help lift their mood. It certainly helps to lift mine when I see a reaction to something I have said – a sudden smile in acknowledgement or a thank you makes everything seem so much better and easier.

In my case, I have tried for months to show joy and happiness to the particular person I have talked about and I have failed. They will not or cannot see it and they don’t like me trying and have made that clear, but … I refuse to stop. Maybe, just maybe, one day my moment of joy will resonate and they will begin to think that life, although difficult, actually might be worth living. Maybe, just maybe they will think of others rather than themselves and do something more positive for them or maybe they will finally acknowledge that even if they don’t want to find happiness, they shouldn’t prevent other people from searching for it and showing it.

I may not be succeeding but that is no reason for me to give up. Giving joy, finding joy and looking for the positive are all necessary for me to get through my current situation so I am going to continue. I may get some strange looks, I may get some derision or anger but it will not stop me because there has to be joy in life and we should all be grabbing each small moment we can, to ensure we live life to the full and to be thankful for each and every day that we are given. Happiness and joy is not a given certainty, we need to work at it, find it, enjoy it and deliver it -as often as we possibly can.

Give somebody a compliment today (the lady in the cloakroom wearing a bright pink sweater that I said suited her beautifully this morning, gave me a surprised but huge smile) and do you know?  It made me smile too.  I bet she went back to her friend and repeated what I had said and then her friend would have smiled too – two happy people (three if I count myself) from one very simple comment. What’s not to like?

A beautiful day begins with a beautiful mindset.

Every day you wake up, think about what a privilege it is to simply be alive and healthy.

I’m late to the party with this mindset attitude.  I never really paid it much attention and when it was introduced into schools when I was teaching, I didn’t really get it. But I do now!

The past few years, our family and myself in particular, have been hit by a number of tough times. I know how easy it is for depression to set in and for the gloom to take over. It happens to me and I am witnessing it with various family members and friends at the moment.  I can see how it affects people’s perceptions of events and life itself and I can see how easy it is to drag everybody else down with you, when the ‘black dog’ descends.

I spent 15 months with a family member knowing that they were dying. They had good days, bad days and better days. On the good days, they dealt with their situation well and with humour. They could chat happily to other people, be excited and happy for them and enjoy the day to the best of their ability. On the bad days, that proved much harder and a lot of it was spent sleeping – a way of passing the day quickly.

When I am feeling down, it is hard to face the day with optimism and excitement. It is hard to get up and tackle everything that needs to be done, find time for enjoyment and to just appreciate the day itself. It is a slippery slope that can descend into despair incredibly quickly. But I also know, that if I wake up each morning with a decent attitude, forgetting everything that went wrong the previous day, pushing to the back of my mind all the worries that I might have and greeting the day with an optimistic ‘I wonder what will happen today?’ approach, then generally the day does pass much better.

I have friends who are living with illnesses that will potentially shorten their lifetime. They are not old people, they are still young enough to enjoy life, to feel vibrant and adventurous. For them, each day that they wake is a huge bonus and obviously something to be grateful for. They seek out opportunities despite their prognosis, fill their days with exciting fun things and try to make the most of whatever time they have left. What an amazing attitude to have! Living life to the fullest and to the bitter end. Whether their lives be long or cut short, they are determined to make the most of every, single day.

I spend time with someone who wakes each morning with the ‘I don’t want to get up’ feeling and attitude. I can see that they are not happy but also, I can see that they don’t appear to want to be happy. They are doing nothing to improve their situation or to try to make life more fun, or even just more bearable. They seem to thrive on being miserable and that affects those around them significantly.

I now try (though I don’t always succeed) to start each day off brightly as I can really feel the difference it makes in how I approach my day and the tasks that need to be done. It affects how I handle issues, how I approach my work and my general outlook on life. I still have days when I struggle and can’t see the positives but I know that if I can let those days pass and start afresh the next day, then I have a chance of having a more positive day. Having experienced illness and death myself, with family and friends, I do now feel grateful each morning.

We are blessed to be given each day on earth and we should be making the most of them – filling our days with sunshine, laughter and fun wherever we can and living life to the fullest that we are able.  There are so many people who do not have that luxury, who are met with discomfort or pain, who struggle to get through each day – if we can wake each morning knowing that we are well enough to get up, get out and get things done, then surely, we should be making sure that that is exactly what we are doing.

Sending blue skies, sunshine and positive vibes to everyone. And if today is a struggle for you, try to get a decent night’s sleep and I hope that tomorrow will be a little bit better.

F E A R

Has two meanings:

 Forget  Everything And Run

 OR

 Face  Everything And Rise

 The choice is yours.

Zig Ziglar

What a fabulous way of looking at a very simple four letter word. FEAR – it is a scary word.  It is something we all face at some point in our lives.  It is something we all react to in very different ways.

It is very easy to run away from fear and in some cases this might be the best thing to do. If you are in danger or feel threatened, running is more than likely the best option. If you can sense danger or see danger – run – run as fast as you can and seek help.

But for those other moments of fear, perhaps we need to stop and think before we turn and run.  There are times when I have lived in a fight or flight mode constantly. It is exhausting.  Always on edge, always waiting for trouble, always wondering how you will react and because of the mental and physical exhaustion this state of mind brings, I know that on occasions I have not reacted necessarily in the best way. Sometimes I have stayed and fought and it has made the situation worse, other times, I’ve run instantly and regretted it.

I’ve never really thought of FEAR through the second option, Face Everything And Rise but what a wonderful attitude it is.  There are many situations where instead of running, we can face things head on even if they are scary and we can rise above them and overcome any issues. When I look back I’ve done this myself because the other option wasn’t really an option. When you face a cancer diagnosis you can’t really run away, you have to face it head on, tackle everything that is thrown at you and hopefully rise above it and beyond it to a new life. Most things can be faced if we have the courage to do so, and in most cases we will  become a better and stronger person as a result, more able to deal with the trials and tribulations that life throws at us. Asking for help can also make it easier – most people are willing to do what they can to help others face their fears and progress.

We are all hit by challenges in life: some are harder than others.  I’ve learned that you can try to forget them and run away but they never truly leave, they are always in the back of your mind. My subconscious will say: if only you’d done this, if only you’d said that, if only you’d had some courage.  By facing things more head on, even if that means admitting that I am afraid or fearful, I am becoming a stronger person who is more grounded and more able to deal with life’s ups and downs.

It takes great courage to face up to and own up to your fears, but if you can do it then you will realise that you are a much stronger person than you ever gave yourself credit for. There is always a choice, whatever you are hit with, so when you are next hit with a moment of FEAR, give yourself time to assess, think and react, and see what choice you make.  Will you run or will you rise?

The pictures are of me on a rather large Ferris wheel in Vienna and the view through the window.  As I am scared of heights, this is an example of me facing my fear.  Note though, that I was sitting on the seat in the centre of the pod and did not move!!

You have 3 choices in life:

Give up

Give in

Give it all you’ve got!

This is such a short and simple saying but its message conveys a great deal.

In life we are all faced with difficult times and difficult decisions to make. I know – I’ve been through a fair amount, particularly in the last 5 years. I’m also watching and supporting someone now who is struggling with life and although I haven’t quite quoted this, my sentiments have been the same!

It’s not always easy to continue when life is tough or problems seem insurmountable. It requires a great deal of inner strength and sometimes it is difficult to know whether to keep on going or whether to give up or give in. I’ve done them all!  Sometimes and in some situations, it has seemed the best option to give up or give in though it hasn’t been an easy decision. For example – I’ve finally given up trying to keep in contact with people I had thought were friends but who have made no effort to keep in touch with me. It has taken me a long time to realise that if they have left me to do all the running around, have not acknowledged cards and gifts I have sent or ignored enquiries, then they probably aren’t that interested in keeping in touch and not worthy of my time. Although it has taken me time and thought, I don’t now see this as a failure but as the right thing to do.  Expending energy and emotion on these people for so long was draining and I can now see that although I don’t like to give in and I certainly don’t like to lose touch with people, it was the best option.

I’ve given up when I found a situation at work just too upsetting and realised it was making me ill. I battled and battled but in the end it all became too much. I was always crying; I couldn’t sleep and I lost all my self confidence. I gave up because I eventually realised (with some much needed and objective advice from my family) that I needed time to think things through clearly and to heal. I needed to leave for the sake of my physical and emotional health. Again, it wasn’t something I wanted to do and I struggled with the decision but it was right at the time.

And I’ve given it all I’ve got when I faced cancer surgery and recovery and wasn’t sure what the future held for me. In that case, there was no way I was giving up or giving in, I most certainly was going to give it all I had to battle through and beyond, so that I could return to normal life.

Nobody can tell you never to give up or never to give in because it might be the only option for you, but in all honesty, I would much rather give everything, I’ve got, whenever I can, to make the most of life and the opportunities I have. This has increased significantly since the cancer – I really do want to make the most of my time on earth, I just wish I had come to that realisation sooner. Now it seems with my advancing years that perhaps I don’t have that long left to do everything that I wanted to do. I certainly view life differently and try to be brave and grab new experiences when they are on offer, but only you can say which is the right decision for you.

 In supporting someone who is struggling I’ve started saying: ‘You have two options – you can give up or you can give it a go.’  For the moment this is not resonating with the person concerned but it is very true. No matter what situation you are in, there is always a choice – you can do your best to get through it or you can decide there is no point and give up.  I know which camp I am in and I am working hard to persuade this person to think along the same lines.

 We are all blessed when we wake each day when others don’t have that option. We are blessed if we wake up feeling healthy, have enough food to eat, are warm, have clothes to wear and people we love around us – all things we take for granted when so many others don’t have them, so shouldn’t we show our thanks, where possible, by giving life everything we have got? The day may be hard or painful or just bloody difficult, but if we give it all we have, can we not get some enjoyment from it anyway? And if that day just doesn’t work out for us, we can go to bed, go to sleep and try again tomorrow.

I will still probably give up on situations when I can see that there is no point in battling on, and give in to situations when I can see that persevering will be painful to me or to others, but I am certain that when faced with a tough situation, I will try to give it everything I can before I decide to opt for one of the first two statements.

Sending strength to anyone who is facing a dilemma, who is struggling with life or health and who cannot see a way forward – believe in yourself, have faith and courage and hopefully you will find a way. In the meantime, seek out people you love and trust and talk things through with them, get support from them and they may help you find your way through.

Have you noticed this before?  Do you know a person that can only see the bad or difficult things in life whatever they are presented with? Sadly I seem to be seeing this an awful lot at present – someone who has gone through a tough time but can no longer see any joy or purpose in life. Presented with a bunch of beautiful flowers, they can only see that it is annoying when the petals fall.  Given a tasty treat,  they can only see that it is far too big for one person and some of it will be wasted.  Given a chance of an outing, they can only see that it might be a challenge so therefore it isn’t worth trying.

Living with someone who reacts like this or dealing with someone who feels this way is so very difficult. It can easily bring you down to the same level where everything is a chore or hard work or not worth doing.  I know – I am experiencing it and working extremely hard at preventing it from making me feel constantly low and depressed.

It is hard to help someone lift their mood when they feel like this. They can feel resentful that you are even trying, that you ‘don’t understand’ how difficult it is and that you almost being flippant about their feelings. This is not what is happening at all. 

I always used to be a ‘glass half empty’ kind of person.  It was the way I was brought up. Don’t get too excited about something or too hopeful as it might just not happen. By not getting too excited, if it doesn’t happen you don’t get too disappointed. I felt that this way of thinking made me a realist and, in some ways, I still believe that that is what I am.  However, I can now see that there is a great deal of negativity in thinking this way and that can in fact colour the way I am feeling and the way I react to things.

These days I work really hard at trying to find the positives and it is not always easy! Sometimes I have to dig really deep to find anything at all positive in certain situations, but the more I practice it, the clearer it becomes. In most cases, a positive can always be found! Something to be grateful for. Something that is happy or joyful. I have learned to be grateful for small things, to appreciate the tiny stuff and hopefully to show that gratitude. I can honestly say that trying to think this way has changed my general outlook on life - not 100% - there are still times when I struggle and feel down, but it has certainly helped in most situations.

I am beginning to see the beauty around me in nature, the small changes in the world around me, the little gestures from friends and family – all things that can brighten my day. And I have come to realise that being grateful for these small things can make me feel happier than I might otherwise be.

Weeds can be most annoying. They grow in the wrong places.  They can mar the beauty of a perfectly planted flower bed. But when you look closely, many of them are  beautiful: they have delicate flowers; bright leaves and they are strong. We don’t need much to encourage gratitude, we just need to notice.

So even if a visitor comes at a difficult time, we can be grateful that they took the time to think about us and come to call. The phone might ring when we are cooking a meal but we can be grateful that someone decided to check that we are ok. And, the flowers might drop their petals but we’ve still experienced the joy of looking at them and smelling them for a number of days prior to that.

Trying to see the good things in everything we experience is a great way to improve our day. If we can start our day thinking something positive, the rest of the day will probably follow in the same vein. If we get up only thinking of the difficult stuff and looking for gloom, then our mood will dip and the rest of the day will be gloomy.

Being grateful for waking up and experiencing a new day is the first step to creating a more positive and consequently happier, outlook. If we can do that, something which is denied to many, we can look at the weed that has sprung up and recognise and appreciate its natural beauty rather than be annoyed that it is where it is.

I will continue to work hard at helping and supporting the person I am dealing with and continue to help them see that life is worth living.  There are so many opportunities and happy times to have despite their current circumstances, but to achieve them they must try to first see them, then acknowledge them and then go for it!

If you are going through tough times, try to search for something positive, something you can smile about and something that will make you feel happier. It won’t be easy but by changing the way you view life, you can in fact, change the way you live life.

Here’s to a new, positive, grateful me and you!

Rob Burrow was a small man in stature but a huge man in spirit and determination. Rob played for the Leeds Rhinos for the majority of his sporting career, winning 8 Super League titles and 2 Challenge Cup trophies. On the rugby field he stunned with his prowess, but it was his battle with MND in recent years, that caught the public interest.

Rob was diagnosed with MND, a disease that affects the brain and nerves, just two years after retiring from his beloved rugby. MND is a brutal illness that starts with some weakness in joints and movements and gets significantly worse. There is no cure, it can significantly shorten life expectancy and ultimately leads to death. Moving, swallowing, talking and even breathing get increasingly difficult as the disease takes hold.

Rob would have known all this, but did not give up.  Instead, he turned his hand to raising awareness of MND, fundraising and campaigning in an effort to help secure funds and facilities that will hopefully, at some point, lead to the finding of a cure. The breaking of ground of the Rob Burrow Centre for MND in Leeds, took place the day after his death and will lead to the creation of a purpose-built care centre for those struggling with the effects of MND.

Rob Burrow was a little man but achieved great things. And his last words confirm what an incredible person he was. Knowing what he was facing, Rob could easily have shut himself away and hidden from the public eye, but he chose not to. Instead we witnessed him and his friend Kevin, achieve incredible things. Rob may have lost his speech and his ability to move, but his wonderful infectious smile was still there and his willingness to help others remained.

His words are so important. We all face difficult times, times when we might choose to flee, to hide or to pretend they are not happening but by being brave and facing up to everything, we can indeed go on to achieve great things. We just need that courage to believe. Knowing that his life expectancy was significantly shortened, Rob realised that every day he woke was a precious day, an extra day with his family and friends – something we mostly take for granted. Above all, despite everything he faced, Rob dared to dream. He dreamed of a new care centre being built to help others in his situation. He dreamed of raising the funds to ensure this happened. And he dreamed that one day, a cure might be found. Huge dreams for such a gentle man.

I’ve found out myself recently that every day is to be celebrated. Sitting with ageing and ill parents and spending time with them has been very precious.  Not knowing if those people would still be there the following morning has been frightening but made me realise that we need to make the most of every single day because the next day is not a certainty. Nobody knows what fate will bring, so we should seize each day, make the most of every opportunity that comes our way, tell the people we love what they mean to us and continue to dream. We can all dream of what we want life to be, but it takes courage to get out there and actually make it happen. Rob Burrow had that courage. Times might be tough, things might not go our way but if we continue to dream and if we face our fears - who knows what we can achieve.

Rob Burrow proved that despite the worst happening, we can still make the best of our situation providing we bite that bullet and get on with it.

RIP Rob Burrow, rugby legend, MND campaigner and all round incredible person!

Have you ever been hurt by something someone has said?  Or are you able to brush it off without any worries?  And have you ever said anything that you have instantly regretted as you see a look of pain or hurt cross someone’s face?

I’m guilty of both! I know that I have said hurtful things in the past and I regret them deeply. Mostly it happened in my childhood when I had a falling out with my friends or my parents, but occasionally also as I got older, when times have been particularly difficult and tempers have been frayed.  But in general, as I have got older, and hopefully wiser, I have been more thoughtful about what I have said even if I have been seething with anger, because I know the damage it can ultimately cause. This week, I had quite a ‘discussion’ with my dentist receptionist. Having had appointments cancelled in the previous few months, I travelled back from my parents two hours away, specifically to meet the rearranged time, only to find it had been cancelled ..... again and with little notice. To say I was seething was an understatement! I rang to express my displeasure but thankfully, despite my frustration, I was able to point out why I was so cross in a relatively calm and polite way, accept that emergencies do happen and  acknowledge that it wasn’t the receptionist’s fault! I was able to get my point across, a new appointment made, express my feelings and still remain polite.

It takes a great effort sometimes not to say what might be on the tip of your tongue. There are always people who will upset, annoy or anger us. Sometimes it will be unavoidable or thoughtless but other times it can be deliberate, and the desire to ‘bite back’ can be overwhelming. Reigning in those thoughts and that anger takes strength! But I try to do it because I have experience of how much comments can hurt and how I have felt at the receiving end.

People can be just plain horrid with the comments they make – they mean to hurt and upset. Others are just thoughtless and are not aware of the effect their words might have. I’ve had various comments that have hurt me to the core and left me reeling. It is particularly hard if you are already feeling low and need some support and even more so when it comes from someone you care about or who you consider a good friend. The simplest remark can cause utter devastation if made at the wrong time.

And because of knowing how that feels, I really do try to think before I speak or before I send an email because I really do not want anyone to feel that way, even those I have little time for. I would never want to knowingly hurt someone and although I am not in any way perfect, this is something I do feel strongly about. I would be mortified to know that I had hurt someone through my careless words and if something does come out wrong, I am very quick to admit it and apologise.

There are always people who are going to annoy us. There are always going to be times when we have to bite our lips to stop saying exactly what is on our minds but at the same time, we don’t know what the people who make these hurtful remarks are dealing with. Perhaps they have health issues, are feeling vulnerable, are unwell but trying to hide it and so on. Although it does not excuse their behaviour or their words, it can make the situation and their reaction more understandable. One can only hope that they would go away, think about what they have said and then have the courage to come back and apologise.

Nobody needs to be hurt by the lack of thought by others but if you do happen to say something that you know has been hurtful, please do think about what you have said and how you would feel, and please, please make your mistake good. Unkind words can never be fully erased, they stay with you for a long time, if not forever, but admitting what you have done is wrong and apologising can go a long way in easing the situation for your victim.

And if you are a victim of such words, have courage. Find someone you can confide in, write down your thoughts and send them to the person who was unkind, explain how it has made you feel and show that you are the stronger person by ensuring you don’t make the same mistakes and hurt someone else.

Sending strength and courage to anyone who has been hurt by unkind words and actions. You may never forget, but you can move on.

Every day is an opportunity to have a fresh start. It doesn’t matter what happened yesterday, all that counts is today. When you wake up in the morning, know that today is full of opportunities waiting to be grabbed. It is a new day, a new start. The beginning of a new life awaits you.

Are you somebody that starts each day anew?  Or are you the kind of person that dwells on everything that went wrong the previous day and finds it difficult to move on?

I’m a bit of both. Once I would dwell for ages on everything that had happened that wasn’t quite what I had hoped for – the people I clashed with, the work that didn’t go well, the bad weather and so on. I wasn’t doing it consciously, it just happened. It was hard to move on from things that hadn’t gone the way that I had hoped or hadn’t been dealt with satisfactorily. And it really does affect your general health and mental well-being. The negativity, the sadness, the sense of failure stays with you for a long time and prevents you from making the most of each day and the new opportunities that might be there waiting to be seized.

With the Covid pandemic and the lockdowns hitting us over the best part of 18 months, I began to realise that instead of being gloomy, I could grasp the differing opportunities that arose. Being confined at home and unable to work, gave me the opportunity to spend more time with my family, working in my garden, enjoying walks around the village and meeting neighbours I had never seen before – it was a revelation. I began to realise that I didn’t need much to make me happy and contented and that if I woke each morning with a positive mind set, looking forwards rather than backwards, then the days would be happier.  Going through cancer treatment which was painful, debilitating and scary at times was tough, but again I stuck with the thought that if I got through the day and it had been a tough one, I would go to sleep and wake up facing a brand new day with brand new opportunities. I wouldn’t know what would happen but it was a different day and deserved a positive outlook. It worked for me – not all the time obviously, sometime I was just too sick to truly care what day it was, but often it was enough for me to realise that this new day wasn’t as bad as the previous day and therefore there was potential for the next day to be even better!

I really do try to look for new opportunities and adventures and when I am brave enough, I grab them! I’m learning how to make the most of everything around me, to enjoy being in the moment and to look to the future. Current circumstances and general mental wellbeing has slowed this down again, but I try hard to think anew each morning and to look forward to what the day may bring. Who knows what may happen but if we greet the day with a smile, we are already starting off on the right foot.

I am currently supporting people with various levels of anxiety and depression and I strongly recommend this thought to them all. If we wake with the attitude of not wanting to get up and face the day, then we are likely to have a tough one! We can’t see our way through the fog, we can’t work out how to deal with the various problems we might be facing and we can’t find any joy in living. If we wake with a smile and the attitude of ‘Let’s see what today brings,’ we have a better chance of getting through the day successfully and happily. I’ve been told that this is nonsense but I have seen and experienced the effects for myself. It is a work in progress and not always possible but it can be done.

When I was teaching and speaking to parents whose children had been in trouble or had an upsetting day, I would always say – the matter is dealt with, today is today, tomorrow we start afresh. I wasn’t one to constantly remind children of their past demeanours – the past truly was in the past. Given the chance, the majority of children, however young they were, seemed to appreciate this and the following day would generally go better for them and for me!

Starting each day afresh can provide us with much more happiness and a greater enjoyment of life.  Try it yourself!  If you’ve had a bad day, if things have gone wrong, if you are not quite sure what to do – breathe deeply, package up all the negative thoughts and put it to the back of your mind and start the following day with excitement and anticipation. Hopefully you will see for yourself that treating each new day as a fresh new start can open the door to greater things for you and increased happiness.

I wish you well x

Have you ever tried archery? I’ve had a couple of attempts and really enjoyed it. It is hard work pulling the strings backwards ready to launch the arrow, but if you get it right, when you release the string and watch the arrow speed through the air in a clean, straight line, it is immensely satisfying.

I like the saying above because I never really thought of life in that way before and perhaps if I did, I would see the negative things that happen in my life more positively, as something essential to lead me onto greater things. We have all experienced tough times, times when we feel that we are being dragged further and further back. It is then that we often find it particularly hard to see a way forward, a way out of our current predicament and a way that is more encouraging and positive. It is easy to succumb to that feeling of helplessness and desperation, that life is tough and getting tougher. For some, they can see no way forward, no way of pushing through the darkness back into the light and no way of moving forwards with enthusiasm, energy and motivation.

Imagining these situations as the string of a bow being pulled backwards, could be helpful. The string has to be pulled a long way for an arrow to be released successfully. If not, the arrow will either flop instantly to the ground or fizzle out quickly before reaching its destination, its intended target. If the string is pulled to the correct tautness and is released at the correct time, the arrow will fly straight, at speed and directly to its target.  It has to go backwards before it can go forwards.

So, by imagining our difficulties are the string getting pulled tighter and tighter, thinking of letting go of that string might help us to let go of our own fears and insecurities and aim towards a better life or a new goal. If we can accept that there may be dark times, we can maybe use this in a positive way to feel that although life is tough at this precise moment, it will get better when we can metaphorically let go of that string. We can set our own goals, aim for better things, get ourselves ready and release those arrows, leading us onto bigger and better things.

Visualising the string being pulled tighter and tighter, its release and then the arrow whizzing through the air is a powerful image. Aim for the centre of the target in your mind, watch the arrow speed through the air and hear the thwack as it hits dead centre. It is a great image to live by – to know that although you may feel as though you are going backwards for a while, it is necessary for when the time is right for you to fly forwards. If we can believe that then we may be able to deal with those difficult times more quickly and more effectively.

When times are tough it is difficult to focus, it is difficult to aim for something more positive and it is difficult to keep energised and motivated, so next time you are feeling low, try visualising the bow, the arrow and the target.  It might just help to make a tough time easier.

I was flicking through Facebook when I came upon this verse and I thought it was great.  I read it through several times and realised it is sensible advice for everyone and if we all lived by these ethics, the world we live in and our own lives might be dramatically different!

I’m the same as anyone else, I am sure. There have been times when I have been a bit too verbal or misinterpreted what somebody was saying to me because I wasn’t listening properly.  I have spent money I haven’t earned and I’ve rattled off an e mail without checking it first or when I was not in a good mood. These are all everyday things that most people will be guilty of at some point in their life. Who hasn’t done at least one of these?

As I have got older and more open to other people’s views, more empathetic of other people’s issues and just generally more understanding, I hope that I have started to listen more, to think about what other people are saying and by listening carefully, I can hopefully respond appropriately.

I’ve always been careful with money and apart from the mortgage have never bought anything I couldn’t afford – it was the way I was brought up. I was encouraged to save, to put money aside for the things I wanted and to budget carefully to ensure I never got into debt. This is so much harder for young people these days when there is little cash use and they are told they can have anything they want. They are bombarded with adverts for 'buy now, pay later' deals which are so tempting.  It is difficult to teach young children the value of money when they are not physically handling cash and therefore know exactly how much money they have – the power of plastic is enticing and exciting but can be meaningless. it is so important that everyone learns the value of money and how to live within their means.

I’ve been on the receiving end of many thoughtless e mails, texts and messages.  They are usually written when people are angry about something and need to vent, but they can be easily misinterpreted. They are hurtful to receive especially when the facts are incorrect. I often write letters or messages when I am fed up or angry with someone, but have learnt not to send them until I have calmed down and rewritten them so that they are more appropriate! I remember sitting with one lady who was very annoyed about something connected to a very well-known company and let rip in her e mail. She then made a list of demands and asked me to sign it.  In all honesty, I couldn’t.  I was horrified by what she had written and what she was asking for. There was no way I would have written a message in that tone and I felt it was wrong. Re reading it the following day when she had calmed down, she realised that perhaps her tone was a little ‘strong!’ and altered it accordingly.

The last two statements are resonating particularly with me at present. I’m guilty of quitting things, though less so in recent times. It is so easy to say ‘I can’t,’ when faced with something that is a little harder than usual. At present I hear it a lot from someone close to me. Whilst I understand there are certain things this person can no longer do; this statement is said daily several times and seems a natural response to anything that is suggested. There is no thinking, there is no trying, there is no finding a way round it – the answer is just ‘I can’t’.  This makes me very sad because in most cases, a way can be found and with a bit of practice, some things are achievable. When I am working in the forest with young children, we don’t say ‘I can’t, we  encourage the children to say ‘I can’t yet, but if I keep trying, I might be able to.’ By just adding the word ‘yet’ we find that the children have a completely different attitude. They understand that they are not expected to be able to do everything instantly. They are willing to give things a try. And they understand that if they keep trying, they will get better and better and one day they will realise that they can actually do the task successfully.  It is a simple statement that works. In recent years I have tried harder to do things that I find difficult. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I don’t.  Sometimes I do quit and ask for help but at least I have given it a go and I can be proud of that.

Finally, I look at the last statement and this has become a kind of mantra for me. Going through the pandemic and then cancer surgery and chemotherapy was a time when there were a lot of things I couldn’t do.  It was hard for everyone during the pandemic when our activities were severely curtailed, travelling was impossible and we were confined to our homes. I think it was a time that made us all realise how lucky we had been and how we needed to make the most of being able to do what we wanted and go where we wanted when restrictions were finally lifted. A lot of my friends started travelling more, visiting many countries or travelling around the UK, getting out every weekend – just because they could. And with a cancer diagnosis and all that entails – life can also be very restrictive. There are regular appointments, knowing that you will feel rubbish, having to avoid people in certain weeks because your immune system is low and so on. For some, the prognosis is not good, they are too ill to live a full life and the future is disappearing. One of the nicer side effects of my own diagnosis is that I do try to see life differently and to make the most of opportunities.

Last year my life was even more restricted as every spare day was spent with my parents who are unwell and there was little opportunity to do anything else.  It is easy to get sucked into the daily routine, doing what you have to do and not finding time for any fun but the new year has made me go back to the way I behaved having got through my cancer treatment. Time may be in short supply but I am determined to seize what opportunities I can to get out, have fun, experience new things and basically live! I may not be able to do everything I want because of the demands on my time, but if an offer of an outing, a meeting or a walk comes along, I am going to seize it, whenever possible.

With the age that I am now and with my recent experiences, I know that life is short and can change very quickly, so don’t waste that time just existing - get out and live the best life that you can.

Those that know me, know I am forever writing lists! I just can’t help myself. Life is so complicated at the moment and I spend so little time in my own home, that I have numerous lists so that I know what I am doing, where I am going and what I need with me. I always tend to start a new year with a list too – a list of the things I want to achieve through the year.  Last year’s was abandoned within the first few weeks due to events that occurred in my family life and was never restarted and this year doesn’t look any less complicated so far, so, instead of a list of things I want to do, I am thinking of a list of things that I can change.  The above is therefore very apt.

It is very easy when life is hard, to just focus on the difficult and tricky things going on. We forget that there are still things to be grateful for. I try hard to think of those when I am feeling tired or low but it isn’t always easy. I also try to pass that on to others I know are struggling, helping them to see the good things in life even if they feel unimportant compared to the more difficult things going on. So, this year, whenever I feel particularly low, I will focus on and count my blessings. Writing them down will help me to appreciate them more and remind me that there is always something to be grateful for.

Letting go of things I can’t control is going to be much harder. I have a tendency to go over and over things that have gone wrong or things that I have done and shouldn’t and I worry about them. Anxiety can take over easily and I have to really work hard to move on and let things pass. This year, I need to try to do that quicker for my own sanity! If things are out of my control, then I need to let it go and work on the things that I can control and the changes that I can make.

Practising kindness is something I think I have got better at over the years. I’ve always tried to be kind but during the pandemic, I tried to make this a priority, thinking about how others were feeling more than myself. I aim to continue this where possible but also perhaps learn to be kinder to myself. I am my own worst critic and I am very hard on myself, so perhaps this year I can learn to accept my faults and that I can’t please everyone all the time, however hard I try.

As a Scorpio, I am known to have a sting in my tail. I am very loyal to my friends but if someone betrays me, I find it hard to forgive and move on. Over the years I have improved and I can be polite even friendly with those that have upset me, but I am not sure that I ever truly forget and I can be wary of those I feel have let me down. I’m also not good at forgiving myself. We all make mistakes but when I do, I beat myself up over them for a very long time! So 2024 needs to be more about forgiveness, forgiving quicker, moving on and not going over the past.

Until recently, I would say I am a productive person. I work hard, I do lots of different things, I keep myself busy and hopefully achieve. In doing that, I am not always calm! I burn the candle at both ends at times, I push myself harder and harder until I make myself unwell and I place higher demands on myself as I achieve. This last year, productivity was almost non existent due to family commitments and a lack of time. I’m not sure it made me any calmer as I was constantly frustrated by the long list of things I should be doing or wanted to do but couldn’t. So this year it is all about setting myself small targets and goals, working out how things can be managed and achieved, but to be realistic in what I ask of myself. I need to understand that I can’t do everything and accept that.

And finally – just breathe!  This is the one I think we are all most guilty of forgetting to do, taking time to just breathe, taking a moment to ourselves, just stopping and being still. Who knew that it was so important? Who knew that it could be so difficult?  During the pandemic and my recovery year, I delighted in going for a walk around the village every day in all weathers. It was 40 minutes of me time - time to blow away the cobwebs, relax and live in the moment. That was something else that disappeared last year and I have missed it so much. As we start the beginning of the new year, I can see how much not going out in the fresh air has affected me both mentally and physically. I’ve not had time to breathe as I’ve been too busy looking after other people, trying to make sure they are ok, spending the little time I have at home keeping up with the basics and finding that the scarce time I have for myself was just needed for sleep. 2024 – I need to reintroduce that breathing time before I make myself ill too.

So, no list of normal resolutions for me, but a good hard think and a change to my overall lifestyle. Whether it is manageable or not, I don’t know, but I can give it a damn good try. And perhaps the memo above is actually more important than the usual resolution list: get fit, lose weight, don’t eat as much chocolate etc  because they are skills that will benefit me for the rest of my life and will hopefully see a marked improvement in my physical and mental health.

Whatever goals you set for yourself this year – be realistic, be gentle and be kind to yourself. I wish you good luck.

Happy New Year. May 2024 be a good one for you all.