Rainbow Ramblings - 2023

Asking for help

Are you brave enough to ask for the help you need?

In my opinion, asking for help is not easy. Acknowledging that you need help can be even harder.

People ask for help for so many different reasons. Yesterday I was asked by a lady in the supermarket, ‘Can you help me get something from the top shelf please?’ It was no problem to help her and it was a simple task,  but I understood that it was not necessarily easy for her to ask me for help. For many it is a simple process, I need help so therefore I am asking you, but for others, speaking to a total stranger, not knowing if they would help or pass by and admitting your own inability to do something, takes great courage.

Asking for help because you are no longer able to do something yourself through ill health or infirmity is also difficult. Admitting that you are no longer able to be independent is tough. That feeling of helplessness takes over and before you know it, you feel unable to do anything yourself. It takes courage to give things a go and accept defeat graciously when it is no longer within your reach and accept help from others.

Asking for help in more serious circumstances takes even greater courage. Acknowledging that mentally you are struggling and need support is not easy. Being brave enough to admit it to either family, friends or a stranger is a huge step. So many fears can hit you. Will I be laughed at? Will I be passed over/ignored? Will they tell me to pull myself together because I am being silly? These fears are huge.

At the moment, I am needed in many different ways by people who need help. I am doing my best to understand, to be supportive, to be patient and ultimately to be kind. I don’t have the answers. I am not a medical expert. I am a mum and a daughter, a sister and a wife and I am me. I feel torn in how to best help without making the situation worse. I am not sure that I am succeeding.

And in amongst all that and over the years, particularly the last few, I’ve needed help myself. I’ve struggled with my own issues and my own anxieties. I know how desperate a situation can feel, how frightening a situation can be and I’ve had to draw on my own reserves to get through it and ask for help myself. I know how hard it is to accept defeat, to accept that I am unable to do something and how weak and vulnerable that has made me feel.

But in amongst all that I have also found that reaching out to people can really help and that there are many around us who will do whatever they can to support and guide and just be there. I would like to think that there is kindness in everyone though I know that is not necessarily true. But there is kindness there and surrounding yourself with those people can make a massive difference. Tonight, I have reached out to two people to ask for advice and guidance. They have both responded within minutes. They have passed on information and at the same time, offered support to help me cope and advice on how to look after my own mental health at this tricky time. I am grateful. I know that I would do the same for them because in my mind, knowing that there is someone who cares can make all the difference.  Feeling alone and desperate and filled with anxiety is terrifying, so a friendly word, someone checking in, just knowing that someone has listened can make everything a little more manageable.

I can only do my best. I hope that that will give some comfort to those I am currently trying to support. Perhaps just by listening I am making a difference even if it doesn’t really feel like it. Perhaps sharing their problems has eased the burden for them, even though I have no definitive answers. I don’t really know.

I thank those who have been there for me and I ask anyone who is reading this to please do the same for anyone you know who is going through a tough time. The pandemic, the cost of living crisis, ill health, the way the world is and so on, are all having a massive effect on people: so many people are dealing with individual issues, worries, anxieties and fears. Please be there for someone if they are brave enough to ask for your help. Please be there for someone if you can see they are finding life tough. Please just be there – offer kindness, understanding, support and friendship.

And if you are struggling, please please be brave and have the courage to approach someone you trust to ask for that support. Talking won’t necessarily solve your problems but it will help to know that someone is listening and that someone cares about your mental health.

Good mental health is vital for us all to lead our lives fully, but it doesn’t take much to tip us over the edge.

Take time to recognise when things are getting tough and brave enough to reach out for help before it takes over.

Nobody should be afraid to ask for help. We all need it sometimes.

Nobody should suffer alone.

Nobody should think that they have to deal with everything independently.

And everyone, every single person, should be there, be supportive and help if they possibly can wherever they are needed.

If we could all do that then our community and our world would be a far better place to be.

The power of nature - taking a daily walk

In recent weeks we have experienced Mental Health Day – a day designed to raise the awareness of mental health and mental well-being.  I don’t remember mental health being an issue when I was younger. I wasn’t really aware of what it meant or how it affected people but these days, more and more of us have a better understanding and a better awareness of our own mental health and that of others.

With various life events hitting me over the past few years, I have become much more tuned into my own mental well being and although I would once have said I am strong and do not have problems with my mental health, I now realise that actually, I do!  My last few years in the education system, working as a teacher, were tough. I became very anxious, lacked self esteem and seemed to be suffering from imposter syndrome. I was constantly fearing that I would ‘get caught out,’ that I didn’t really know what I was doing and that everyone else was far better than me. This got steadily worse with other things that were happening, to the point where I lost all self esteem and left the education system after 30+ years.  That was such a tough decision for me. Teaching was all I had ever wanted to do and I still loved being with the children. I wasn’t ready to leave but felt that if I carried on I was heading towards a break down.  It was then I realised, after much soul searching and long tearful chats with my husband, that for the sake of my own mental wellbeing, I really had no choice. I had to leave.

Adjusting to life without teaching was  tough. I didn’t know what else I could do and felt so low that I thought there would be no other employment for me anyway. Mentally, I was at an all time low. I started going for a walk around the village where I live each day, beginning with short familiar routes and gradually extending the length of time I was walking and investigating lanes and fields that I had not ventured into before. And as I became more comfortable and more confident, I started noticing the wildlife around me. I watched the trees come into bud, the leaves unfurl, change colour and fall as we moved through the seasons. I spotted tiny insects, wild flowers, interesting stones and objects around the village I had never seen before. I planned a walk into each day, whatever the weather and made it something to look forward to.

Sometimes I would take my camera and capture the snow sitting on the gateposts or the cows lazing in the field. I would see hot air balloons and rainbows above me, and busy ants on the pavement below. My eyes were opened to all that was around me and as I walked and noticed, I felt my head get clearer and my worries begin to fade. Although I didn’t realise it at the time, these walks were important as they were a time and space just for me – no doing things for everyone else, no sitting at work, no typing at the computer – just space to breathe, to listen, to see, to smell and to be. 

In recent months, my daily walks have had to stop. The pressures of everything going on around me have taken precedence – there just isn’t enough time in the day. And as a result, today I have realised that my mental health is suffering. My mind feels clogged and foggy, I can’t think clearly, I am beginning to make careless mistakes as I am unable to focus and I now think that it is partly due to not going for my daily walk. I miss it! My brain just doesn’t get the opportunity to switch off from the day-to-day goings on and is constantly whirring. It is exhausted. It needs a break.  It needs to breathe.

So, I have now come to the conclusion that I need to find the time for a short walk each day. I need it to support my mental health and wellbeing and if I can do that, perhaps I shall start feeling more awake, more refreshed and more able to deal with all the things that are happening beyond my control. Now that Autumn is here, my favourite season for walks, I need to plan ahead, wrap up warm and enjoy once again, the sights and sounds and smells of an Autumnal walk – scrunching through the leaves that lie on the ground, picking the last of the blackberries, listening to the birds and breathing great big lungful’s of that frosty, smoky Autumnal atmosphere.

So my message today is: Make time for yourself. Listen to your body and to your mind and know when it is time to do something for you. We are all responsible for our own mental health but look around you and spot if your family and friends could also do with that breathing space.  And if they do, encourage them to take a walk outside and use all five senses to look for the beauty in nature. Nature is a great healer – give it the opportunity to do its work.

Sending hugs to all that need them. 

Have you heard of Little Wins before? I hadn’t but was listening to the radio the other day when there was a chat about them which I found quite amusing. Little Wins are nothing big or dramatic, but something that works in your favour when perhaps you are least expecting it.  For example: who hasn’t dropped a piece of buttered toast in the morning and cursed as it lands butter side down on the kitchen floor that you have neglected to brush for several days?  It has happened to me on numerous occasions and it is so annoying!  A little win would be if the toast dropped to the floor but actually landed with the butter side up. It doesn’t happen often but when it does, it makes you smile and is worth celebrating.

Life can be quite tough at times for everybody. There are days when we just feel miserable and nothing seems to go right, but having and recognising a little win, can completely change your mood and bring a little bit of welcome relief.  Other times, a little win is just a bonus – something to make you smile, laugh out loud or just enjoy.  I had one yesterday when I filled the car with petrol.  Sometimes, just for fun, I try to stop the fuel bang on a particular figure and I never manage it.  I always go over or under by a few pence and if I then try to top it up, I fail miserably.  Yesterday I didn’t even bother trying but the fuel pump itself, stopped bang on £18!  I couldn’t have done that however hard I tried.  That was my little win and it made me chuckle. Nobody else benefits from it, nobody else knows what I am chuckling about but it inexplicably brightened my day.

Other little wins in recent months have included finding a beautiful cardigan that fitted nicely, was colourful and cosy.  The best bit about it was the size label which was smaller than I usually get!  Yes, it is probably a bit of ‘kidology’ and the clever manufacturers have changed the sizing but it doesn’t matter, it made me feel better about myself, so much so, I bought the cardigan in two different colours, so somebody’s marketing policy is obviously working! Getting the last parking spot in the supermarket car park, digging in a tub of sweets and finding the last of your favourite kind, getting the all clear at a dental check-up and dropping a box of eggs on the kitchen floor and finding that none of them break are all ‘little wins.’ I’ve been lucky to experience all of those recently.

Admittedly a big win on the premium bonds, lottery or scratch cards would be even better and definitely worth celebrating big style, but they are far more unlikely to happen, so I shall continue to enjoy my little wins as and when they occur. I’m all for grabbing every small moment of happiness and making the most of it!

Have you had a ‘little win’ recently? I’d love to know what it was so please do get in touch and let me know about them via the contact us page.

Creating little smiles

It was amazing how such a small, simple gesture had boosted my mood so quickly. I had been down in the dumps, feeling utterly miserable and yet here were two people boosting my self esteem and making me feel good about myself once more. The ladies were so thrilled by our messages and reactions, we had to be photographed!

I’m a real lover of random acts of kindness and gestures, believing that a simple word can brighten somebody’s day. This certainly became more prevalent during the early days of Covid when we had limited contact with people and there was a great deal of fear and loneliness to contend with. Walking around the village and smiling or speaking to the various people I passed became a daily activity and it was wonderful to see how a few words could affect someone so much and in such a positive manner. I waved at elderly people sitting in their windows, spoke to people about their gardens or complimented someone on their hair for example. Most people reacted with joy, very few with suspicion thankfully!

Looking through my diary, I received lots of little messages, letters, gifts and flowers when I had my surgery and chemotherapy. Each one helped me to feel loved and brought a smile to my face, even when I was feeling incredibly ill. I was so grateful that people had taken the time to contact me and to wish me well and I try to continue this myself now – paying it forward and hopefully helping somebody else at a difficult time. One of my messages was from another cancer sufferer who I had written to during her chemotherapy. Each session she went to, I wrote a little note. They didn’t say much but it was something for her to open during her treatment and hopefully distract her for a few minutes as well as reinforcing the fact that there were friends thinking about her at this tricky time. I didn’t know if they would help or not though she assured me that they gave her something to look forward to and she would stand it on her table throughout her chemo session. She finished her treatment months ago and yet remembered and wrote about this on her ‘creating little smiles’ card. What a lovely feeling that gave me!

It doesn’t take much to create a smile and it doesn’t have to cost anything but what a different place we would live in, if that became a daily mission – creating at least one little smile for somebody every single day. It is something I still try to do and seeing a positive reaction or receiving a smile or a hug makes my day as well as theirs. Giving really is just as beneficial as receiving.

If you are up to a challenge this month, create your own ‘little smiles’ and let me know what they were.  I would love to know!

Happiness - a different way of thinking

Like most people, I have been through some difficult times and have sometimes felt so depressed and tired that I have found it hard to see the happy things in life. Going through the pandemic and then cancer, truly changed the way I viewed life.  Deprived of close contact with most people, all clubs and activities closed down, no access to gyms or swimming pools and with limited outside leisure time, I learned to value the time I had. Although it is hard to remember, at one time we were told that we were to stay at home for the safety of the nation and permitted one hour of exercise time when we were permitted to go within a 5 mile radius of our home. That one hour became so valuable to me. I grabbed it and went out for walks, whatever the weather, seizing the opportunity to walk along deserted roads and explore areas of the village where I lived, that I had not seen before. In that hour, I discovered a duck pond and spent time watching the families of ducks drifting across the water, seemingly without a care in the world.  I discovered back lanes filled with beautiful wild flowers and I watched sheep and cows in fields grazing happily. I learnt to appreciate what was around me, things that I was normally too busy to see and I realised that happiness does not have to be something big and grand, it can be found in even the smallest things in life.

When I was dealing with cancer, happiness became something else. If I got up feeling reasonably well and could get washed and dressed, I was happy because I had achieved something. If I managed to eat a small meal, it was worthy of a celebration and going for a walk was the most wonderful feeling. Receiving cards and messages, biscuits and flowers, having a visitor or reading a book – were huge happy things in my life at that time and I was truly grateful. I realised that we didn’t actually need much to make us feel happy – if we were well, had food, warmth and some company, perhaps that was enough.

I joined an online seminar recently entitled 'Happier Thinking' and this really did make me think.  The speaker, Mo Gawdat, had a very different way of thinking.  He believes that we are all born happy and that it is our expectations that actually make us unhappy. If we expect lots of things to happen and then they don’t, we are disappointed and our state of happiness changes. If we don’t expect all these things to happen then we can ultimately remain in a happy state. It is his belief that no single event will make your life either happy or unhappy and that we need to change our way of thinking to ensure we remain calm, contented and ultimately in a happy state.

Some of his statements resonated strongly with me and I could see that the way I think often drains me of happiness. He is a strong believer that there are some things in life that cannot be changed and that if we focus on these we will drain ourselves of all energy – a bad fault of mine that I recognise and am trying to change. Sometimes we just have to accept bad stuff and try to switch our way of thinking so that we can see some good in it, however small.

Mo suggests that we should take whatever is given to us and enjoy it, learn from our mistakes, twist the negative to a positive and believe that for every darkness in life, there is light. On this particular statement he was speaking from experience, having lost his son at the age of 21 years. Mo simply stated that although his son died, he tries to think of it as, his son lived … for 21 years, and they were a blessing. An incredible feat, but one that works for him. His belief is that  making life miserable, or feeling constantly miserable is not going to fix things or make things better, so work hard to turn things around and happiness may slowly return.

From listening to the talk, I recognised a big fault I have is to dwell on things: to overthink, revisit and rewrite in my mind what has happened. It is a hard and slow process for me to move on. This is the way I am or rather this is the way I have been. Mo says it is good to think about what has happened but instead of dwelling we should ask ourselves; how can I improve things? How can I change things? If we can do this, we prevent ourselves from dragging everyone else down by sticking to negative thoughts all the time. There is no point in dwelling on things if there is nothing you can do about it, but by thinking in a different way, you possibly can make changes and see things in a different light.

When talking to the person I mentioned earlier, I tried to point out that the day had barely begun and by starting out with such negative thoughts, it was likely the day would not go well. The expectations were too high. But by opening the curtains and seeing the sunlight, by knowing that they were physically able to walk downstairs, be with family and be in the comfort of their own home, that meant the day was starting out well.

Mo’s final statements were thought provoking: ‘I got another day. It is such a blessing and such a gift.’ Many people do not get that opportunity.

And a statement I have used before on my positivity page: ‘Each day is a gift, hence why it is called the present.’

In my new way of thinking and in my current circumstances, every day is a blessing and worth celebrating. Every day has the potential to bring happiness.  Happiness is there to be found in the small things!

Enjoy your day. Be happy. Smile at the world and it might just smile back at you 😊

International Mud Day is celebrated on June 29th every year, all around the world. The creators of the day wanted to find a way to unite children from every continent and decided that playing with earth was a great way to do it, and so the day of celebration was born - the idea being to get dirty and enjoy playing with mud.

As I run forest school sessions, International Mud Day is ideal for me to keep my children occupied, happy and exploring the environment around them. The children who come to us have a license to get dirty, something that many of them are obviously not encouraged to do at home. Frequently we have children visit the forest on a one-off occasion and they are dressed in pristine white clothes! They are told to stay away from puddles, to keep their hands clean and not to sit on the floor – the complete opposite to everything I want them to do!  Luckily the parents of our regular children are well versed in what forest school is all about and actively encourage their children to get down and dirty. They arrive in water proof or old clothes and with suitable footwear on and they are inevitably armed with bin bags for mucky clothes and sopping wet wellingtons and new clothing to change into. I love those parents!

To me, the sign of a successful forest school session is for children to go home with streaks of mud or charcoal on their face, dirty fingernails, mud on their clothes and a big smile on their faces. I encourage them to play with mud, clay, soil, pine cones and all the other natural things we find in the forest along with paint, glue, bird seed and anything else I happen to take along with me. If they go home as clean as they arrive, then I feel that I have failed.

In Covid times, we were all obsessed with hand washing and using gel. It was right at the time and was necessary to keep us safe, however, it also meant that we lost all resistance we had to any other germs. The wearing of masks was another factor, which meant when we reverted to more normal living, many of us immediately went down with colds and stomach bugs. Children were no different. Many also became increasingly worried about germs and felt the need to wash their hands at every possible opportunity.  I am finding that this is still the case three years on and it makes me very sad but also very concerned for the future.

Today my forest school group had a host of mud related activities. They were encouraged to mix mud with their hands, to stand in mud and describe how it felt, to paint with brushes, hands and feet and to revel in the chance to get a little bit mucky with no fear of getting told off. Many of them seized the opportunity and the delight on their faces, their squeals of excitement and their general willingness to give anything a go was just wonderful. But there were a few that really were not happy at all. They didn’t want to get their hands dirty, there was no chance of them removing their socks and standing in mud and there were tears when I wouldn’t let them wash their hands. (There was no point at that time as they were just going to get muddy again and water was limited.) They literally could not cope with getting mud on their hands. For some children I understand that this is due to sensory issues or fear of doing something different and this I totally get, but I struggle to understand those who just don’t want to get dirty. To me it seems so sad that even at the age of 5 or 6, they feel the need to remain totally clean all the time, that they are worried about catching diseases or fear that they will get told off by their parents.

When my children were little, their favourite game was to sit in the middle of a flower bed with dumper trucks or spades and create quarries, building sites, garden centres and anything else they could think of. Add a bit of water and there were dams to make, rivers to flow and seaside adventures to have. Their imaginations were inspired, their ideas endless and the fun they had, unlimited. But more than that, they were without knowing it, becoming stronger and more resilient to illness. Playing with mud and soil has been proven to help build resistance to illnesses and as long as children are taught to wash their hands once they have finished and before eating, getting muddy will do them no harm.

My mission at forest school is to allow children to be children: to play, climb, get dirty, make friends, learn about their environment and have fun.  Getting muddy is part of that and with the parents support, hopefully, all the children will eventually learn that being dirty will not harm them and is actually a healthy thing to do.

If you get the chance, encourage your child to celebrate International Mud Day this week and even better, join in yourself.  You might just find that you will benefit too!

New and improved? 

No price increases?

Who are they trying to kid?

The same goes for new and improved recipe changes. There are certain products that I have used for years. I like them. They taste nice. They are as I expect them to be, and then, in their wisdom, someone decides to make improvements and alter the recipes. I have no doubt that there are good reasons for these changes: less salt or sugar, cheaper ingredients, no additives etc, but once these changes are made, the products never actually taste the same again and in many cases, they taste worse! I’ve lost a salad dressing, sauces, bean burgers and favourite drinks amongst other things because the changes have just been too much and in some cases, the products are barely recognisable.

Why can’t people leave well alone? Why can’t they let me enjoy my favourite products for many more years to come?  Why can’t they make a healthier or cheaper option for those that want it but let the rest of us continue eating our favourite familiar products in peace?

My other bug bear is the manufacturers promise not to increase prices. How good of them I think ....  until I buy the product. They might not have altered the price, but they most definitely have altered the size. Everything suddenly becomes smaller or contains less so they continue to make their profits. Do they think we are so stupid that we don’t realise? I well remember being full after eating certain chocolate products but now need to eat two to get the same satisfaction, and that’s not good! I’ve bought items supposedly containing a specific ingredient only to find that I need a magnifying glass to find it, so little has actually been included.  Boxed items might contain one or two packets less, bread might contain fewer slices and specific items might come in groups of 3 instead of 4, but don’t worry .... the price remains the same!!

I could go on – why bother changing the name of something that we have loved over the years?  Who remembers Opal Fruits and Marathons? I assume the names were changed due to boosting sales overseas, but in my mind, they will always go by those names not Starburst and Snickers. I just wish people would stop meddling and leave things well alone. Then again, maybe it is a sign of me getting on in age and being reluctant to face change. Maybe I should be embracing healthier options and smaller sizes for the good of my health – then again, maybe not! There are few pleasures in life at present.

Watching the ladies in the play, dancing in their beautiful, shiny, jewel coloured ballgowns, left me feeling reminiscent for something that is no longer in existence and that made me a little bit sad. I’d rather have the old-fashioned sweets in their old-fashioned wrappers any day.

What's your view?  Up for new and improved, smaller sizes, recipe changes and anything else the manufacturers throw at us or are you like me and wish they would leave things well alone. In other words, 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it!'

Afraid to stop and take a break?

Could you be suffering from productivity anxiety?

There are several signs to recognise and when I looked through the list, I realised I am guilty of most, particularly when I was teaching and pre illness. Signs include: feeling guilty when you are not being productive, comparing yourself to others and wondering why you are not as good or not achieving as much, feeling that there is no time to rest because you should be doing something,  struggling to sleep because your mind is racing, trying to complete the to do list but never quite actually managing it, doing things so that you feel in control and only feeling a sense of self worth if you are constantly busy or being productive. I wonder how many signs you recognise?

If you recognise yourself in any of these, perhaps it is time to do something to stop it and regain the ability to take time out to rest, relax and recharge.  Ask yourself why you are behaving in this way. Are you seeking approval? Recognition? Perfection? Identifying the reasons why you can’t rest is vital in stopping the behaviour and improving your mental health. We shouldn't feel guilty if we stop to rest or watch some TV. There is no need for us to feel guilt or shame, we are all entitled to a break! We are not machines that can work non-stop, we need to rest and recharge our batteries and recognise that perfection is not necessary. We need to redress the balance to ensure that we are making progress and achieving but that we are not striving constantly for perfection and putting intense pressure on ourselves. We need to accept that the to do list is ongoing and will never be fully completed and that boundaries are in place such as a start and finish time to our day and permitting ourselves time to do fun things.

Most importantly we should regularly timetable exercise and relaxation into our daily schedule. A short walk at lunchtime, a brief gym session, watching our favourite programme or relaxing with a book, quite rightly, are just as important as completing tasks. Fresh air can do wonders for mental health, a relaxing bath can help you sleep, a hearty meal can give you energy - meaning that we start the next day feeling ready to cope with all that needs to be done. I think women in particular are very bad at allowing themselves time just to be, we are always worrying about partners, children, pets etc and are forever putting our own needs at the bottom of the pile.  But by ensuring a little time of our own, surely, we are giving ourselves the chance to be even more productive because we feel rested?

I now realise that I have always suffered from productive anxiety and always felt guilty if I was not busy doing something. In fact, leaving the teaching profession and getting cancer actually helped me to stop the vicious circle I was in. A lack of energy and the effects of surgery and chemotherapy meant I had to slow down and allow myself time to rest, in order to recover. It gave me more time to think and  time for me to recognise what my body was telling me and when I needed to rest. I now try to plan a walk, TV time and time for other fun things into each day and hopefully I will be a much more relaxed and healthier individual.  It has also helped my mind from working non stop at night when I am trying to sleep with the result that I do sleep a little better now. 

Is this something that you would benefit from too? Stop for a moment and think – when did you last do something just for yourself?  And if you can’t remember, put that right now, put yourself first for once and treat yourself!

 Daffodils

A simple springtime favourite

Spring is definitely beginning to show its face. The snowdrops are just about gone but the village where I live and my garden are beginning to bloom with small bunches of crocus and daffodils. They are emerging through the snow, wind and rain, pushing through the hardened earth and opening up in all their glory.

I just love daffodils!  They are such simple unpretentious little flowers but they never fail to brighten my mood with their cheery bright yellow trumpet and petals dancing in the breeze. They are one of those flowers that you can buy as a treat without breaking the bank or feeling guilty. In most areas, a small bunch costs as little as £1 and after a tough week or when the weather is particularly dark and gloomy, buying a bunch can brighten your day and make you smile once again.

My parents garden is just full to bursting with daffodils – mainly the little ones that look small and delicate but which belie their inner strength. They can withstand all the different weathers we experience through winter – the hard frosts, the strong winds, the torrential rain – whatever happens, they battle on in and shine bright. They fill an otherwise depleted garden with a splash of colour and vibrancy.

As a child, I didn't realise how many different varieties of daffodils there were. I was really only familiar with the bright yellow traditional variety, but now I realise that there are masses of different types. Colours can vary from pale cream to bright yellow, trumpets can be orange and small and petal shapes and size can be different too. Once you start looking you will be amazed by how many variables there are.

When I lived in the Falkland Islands for a year, one of the things I missed were fresh flowers. The weather was so harsh there that few gardens contained flowers, there were minimal trees and often the green earth was covered in layers of snow. On the rare occasions I was given flowers, a military operation had to take place! Flowers were ordered in the UK and any person travelling to or from the Islands was tasked with collecting them, taking them on board the aeroplane and delivering them after an 18 hour flight.  It happened twice in the time that I was there and was such a lovely and unexpected treat.

Although I don’t buy fresh flowers regularly, they are a treat and it was something I missed. Imagine my surprise when on a weekend visit to Port Louis, we arrived at our accommodation to find a vase of freshly picked daffodils sitting on the table. What a joy they were! In this secluded little settlement, bulbs had been planted and a wave of yellow greeted us as we walked around the garden. I would never have thought such a simple flower could have given so much pleasure. Even more lovely was the owner telling me to pick a bunch to take back to our home with me so that I could continue to spread some daffodil sunshine for a little while longer.

So now when I walk around our village during spring, I cannot help but look out for patches of daffodils, to notice the differences between the varieties and to enjoy their beautiful bright sunshine colour. A splash of colour or a whiff of their distinctive perfume can transform a dull grey day into something far more vibrant.

Go on, treat yourself! Buy yourself a little bunch, put them on your windowsill and bask in the sunshine glow that they create.

WE are all courageous in our own way! 

Courage is a strange thing meaning different things to different people. I talked about finding inner courage last month on The Big C page and how people find the strength to deal with a diagnosis and complete their treatment but there are many other ways in which people demonstrate courage or find the courage to deal with events in their life.

I read a lot of books about the second world war, the impact on the Jewish population, the Resistance movement and the SOE (Special Operations Executive.) It is an era that I find particularly fascinating and there are countless stories of courage in them: people who risked their lives to stand up for what they believed was right and to help others. Their courage astounds me and I often wonder if I would have been brave enough to do something similar at the time – I doubt it! Those who lived through the Blitz had the courage to cope with nightly bombing raids, the destruction of their homes and businesses and the loss of family and friends – I don’t know how they did it, but people made the best of the situation they were in and got on with their lives as best they could.

But courage doesn’t have to be great grand gestures, it can be something small too. Courage comes in all shapes and forms and what is courageous for one person can easily be sneered at by another. It is only if you can put yourself into someone else’s shoes that you might appreciate how courageous that person is actually being. For those who struggle with agoraphobia for example, having the courage to step through the front door is a momentous thing that the majority of us don’t think twice about. Finding yourself alone after being in a significant relationship and moving on with your life when everything has changed takes a huge amount of courage, coping with illness and disability but working hard to get back to normality, speaking to someone that you find intimidating, going on an aeroplane, speaking to a stranger – they are all examples of different kinds of courage.

In our family, courage is showing itself in many different ways due to current circumstances. Both my parents have found themselves in hospital over recent weeks – their whole lives have been turned upside down. One has been exceptionally poorly and has dealt with Covid, pneumonia and infections, on top of the illness they went into hospital with. They have shown tremendous courage in dealing with the loneliness and fear of a long term hospital stay, sitting in a chair, forcing themselves to eat when everything tastes dreadful and learning how to walk with a Zimmer frame and a stick, despite the fear of falling.  The other has suffered a nasty break which has knocked their confidence. They are fearful because they are in pain and suddenly all the basic tasks that were once completed with ease, have become something currently unachievable. Both are looking at coming home at some point but it will take courage for them to do so. Their lives are not the same. They are no longer independent and will need support until their strength returns. Whilst they want to be back in their own home, it will be a big step requiring tremendous courage.

There is courage in us all but the biggest thing for me that shows the most courage, is something that perhaps you might find surprising. The bravest people I know are the ones that reach out and ask for help when it is needed. We often fear that we may look weak or stupid if we ask for help, that we should instinctively be able to cope with everything life throws at us and that if we ask for help we should be ashamed. The reality is totally different.  Knowing that you need help or advice, seeking out a suitable person that can help and then actually asking for it, takes tremendous courage but could be the best thing you ever do. Most people are willing to help.  They won’t make you feel small or stupid, they will do their utmost to make life better and easier for you. They will support you on your way and help you realise what a brave person you really are. Good friends, family and sometimes even complete strangers are happy to help but may not realise that you need it if you do not have the courage to ask.

We are all different.  We all have fears and anxieties.  But we all have courage.  It is there inside just waiting to be used.

Be brave, bite the bullet and go for it!  If we believe in ourselves, we can achieve anything!

1. Make list!

I particularly love book lists and have just spend several happy hours writing down authors and which of their books I possess followed by another list which shows the books that they have written which I do NOT possess but would like to. These lists are useful when it comes to birthdays and Christmas. Invariably I am asked, ‘What would you like?’ and it is much easier to hand over a list and say, anything off here please. I’m not fussy!

The good thing about lists is the positive effect it can have on your wellbeing. Really you might ask? But yes, it has been proven that writing things in a list and crossing them off can enhance your feelings of success and achievement and make you feel that you are being productive. Crossing each job off your to do list makes the load seem lighter (if you can prevent yourself from adding things on constantly), makes you feel good about yourself and helps you to focus and motivate yourself to get things done. I always start my to do list with 1. Make a list. It sounds silly but actually once you have written your list, you can cross number 1 off straight away and feel that the time taken to make the list in the first place has been productive. You might not achieve anything else that day, so it is a tiny boost to stop you feeling despondent.

After my cancer surgery and after having my children, I would write a list each day of what I hoped to achieve. At first it would be very short and simple and might include statements such as 1. Get up 2. Get dressed 3. Get downstairs but each statement ticked off, showed that I was coping, or getting better or achieving, and at times like those mentioned, any tiny achievement is actually a huge thing and helps motivate you to try a bit more the next day. And sitting at the end of the day and reflecting on that list and what you have achieved gives you a feeling of satisfaction and celebration – something perhaps we don’t take time to recognise often enough.

I write lists before going away on holiday, for gifts I need to buy, for people I need to contact … I basically write lists for everything and I am not ashamed to admit it. Lists help me to function even if the shopping list is frequently left behind when I go shopping or the list of useful numbers is filed in such a safe place it is never found again – the mere fact of writing things down, helps me to remember and organise and act.

My favourite lists were the ones I used to write when my husband offered to collect the children from school. It didn’t happen often and he wasn’t used to all the paraphernalia that children have to bring home and obviously wouldn’t think to ask them, ‘Have you got everything,’ so the list would look something like this:

Please bring home:

1. 2 children

2. 2 book bags

3. 2 lunchboxes

4. 2 coats

5. 2 PE bags

6. Pint of milk

If I hadn’t done that he would be likely to leave at least one child behind!

I’ve just discovered a new museum which has a section devoted to … lists. Shopping lists!

It sounds incredible and amazing and silly too, but when you think about it, each list from the past 6 or 7 decades is a tiny piece of social history, illustrating what people are buying, what they need and what was available at the time. We tend to throw these little bits of paper in the bin without realising their potential historical importance and how valuable and interesting that insight into a forgotten time can be.

So, I am all for writing a list and urge you to do the same. It clears the mind, focusses your thoughts, helps you achieve, increases positive thoughts and actually can just be fun! Write a list of things you want to do, places you want to visit or people you want to see and enjoy that moment, when with great satisfaction, you can cross something off that you have achieved.